boys exploring others

[cameronwyatt]

My 4 year old son was caught behind my bbq with his 5 year old friend kissing each others feet with shoes on and arms.  I explained to them that boys dont kiss boys and to keep their kisses for mommys and daddys.  Later that day my 4 year old had told me that it was his friends idea.  But i dont know if thats true cause my 4 year old has lied before.  Then a few days later my 4 year old was telling his brother that is 2 to touch his penis and then to kiss it.  I have told my 4 year old several times to keep his hands to himself so he knew that he was doing wrong.  My husband was so upset with our 4 year old and spanked him and put him in his room for telling his brother to do that.  I then went in his room a few minuts later and was asking him why he told his brother to do that, he said, "cause it was fun for him."  I explained again that he does not touch other boys penis nor does he let other boys and his brother touch his penis.  I made him repeat the rule to me serveral times to make sure he understood.  He was made to go to bed early that night for his punishment.  Is this normal behavior for a 4 year old boy?  I'm a stay at home mom, so i know what my boys are doing every seconde of the day.  And i know they are not being sexual abused by anyone.   I feel like my 4 year old is a pervert and that i have to watch him closely with his 2 year old brother to make sure that he doesnt malest him.  am i overracting?  

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

To ask his brother to kiss his penis is not normal in the sense that such a request does not usually occur spontaneously in young children.

Setting limits means to issue a frim instruction that touching another person's genital area or buttocks is not allowed; nor is allowing others to touch him.

You can go to your local library and ask the librarian to direct you to the books (intended for young children) that deal with this topic.  The books are meant for parents to read with their child and then use as a jumping off point to address whatever concerns are appropriate to the particular child.

[zopey]

Hi, I understand your worries, my son is similar and when you see them do things like that it is easy to overreact.
Try not to panic, calmly tell him that it isn't appropriate to touch others in that way or have them do that to you.
I have found that now my son's brother is old enough to get stuck into some rough and tumble  they check each other out physically which has helped. Although when in the shower together they are still fascinated with each other... just make sure you are there, which it sounds like you are anyway.
he is curious about people which is normal.I think your partner should be careful about making it something to be ashamed of.
Hope this reassures you a little, you are not alone.

[cameronwyatt]

yes, I have lost perspective. thats why i was writting you.  Your answer is so vage.  I know it was inappropriate, I asked if it was normal?  What does limit setting mean?  Where can i get education for a 4 year old on this.   And his supervision cant get any closer.  

Lisa

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Yes, you are reacting out of all proportion. That you refer to your son as a pervert is not a good sign and it shows that you have lost perspective. Sure, what he did was inappropriate. He requires limit setting and education, along with close supervision.