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bullying

It has recently been brought to mine and my husbands attention that our 8 year old son is starting down the path to bullying.  When asked about it he either lies or says or is giving them a compliment and doesn't realize what he's doing is hurting someone.  Is there a way to get him to understand that what he is doing is hurting other people?  Is there a way to get him to stop lying because he thinks/knows he's going to get into trouble?  I'd like to find a way to stop this behavior before it comes to him getting into trouble.  please any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.  Between grounding him, having him do formal apologies, and talking to him repeatedly, I don't know what else to do.
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Avatar universal
I am sorry to hear that this is going on. Have you tried to talk to him to see if something is going on with him? There could be something bothering him and that's his way of dealing with it. Have you considered talking to a counselor?

Live, Laugh, and Cantor on
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189897 tn?1441126518
COMMUNITY LEADER
     First, its not the lying that you want to stop.  Its the behavior that is causing him to create these lies.  Focusing or saying don't lie, never attacks the problem.
     Speaking of his behavior.  Its very important to find out why he is doing what he is doing.   And I would need more info to do that.  I assume that this is going on at school?   Does it happen only during recess and lunch?  Did it happen last year?   Have teachers actually seen this happening or is it being reported second hand?  Has the school tried to stop it - they are required to do so.   I add  this because the most effective way to change any behavior is immediate reinforcement.  That is one reason why your attempts have not worked very well is because they are not immediate.
   It is also important to know if there has been just one child involved or many.   If there are many kids who are complaining about being hit, etc. then its possible that he doesn't realize what he is doing.
      Now, there are also conditions like Sensory Processing Disorder and ADHD where kids will bully and not even realize that they are doing that.  Is your son having any other problems in school?  How are his grades?  Does he have any strong sensitivities to textures, food, sound, etc.
       This link might be helpful to determine if he has something like ADHD.
http://www.additudemag.com/quiz/9/question-1.html?utm_source=eletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=December#submit-answer
       And this is a good one for SPD
http://www.additudemag.com/slideshow/50/slide-1.html?utm_source=eletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=December

      I will note that as an elementary school principal that I usually was able to stop bullying pretty easily by getting the kids together and talking about the situation and letting them know what was going to happen if it continued, etc.   Thats why I think its important to get the school involved.  However, if it is something like ADHD that is causing the problem (and I have seen that happen too), then solving it will take more effort  - and I can also help with that (being the CL here - http://www.medhelp.org/forums/ADD---ADHD/show/175
     Hope this helps.
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