can a child be too close to a parent

[lbmom3]

my husband who is the step father to my five yr old, since he was a few months short of being two. our son is on the autistic spectrum, first diagnosed with aspergers,  he started intervention at two, recently his neurologist changed it to pdd, ocd, adhd, n sensory processing disorder. when he was younger you had to wait to get hugged, or ask for a hug, and he did but with a stiff body.

now that i gave you a bit about our son. the problem is this:  my husband feels our son is too intimate with me. my son likes to kiss mommy on the mouth, likes to cuddle up next to me or on my lap. he likes to twirl my hair when he is stressed or tired, when playing around with me he innocently said, so i felt, mommy i love you i am going to marry you. my husband feels he is a sick little boy n i am in denial of it. one day sitting on the floor playing with him, i had plumber pants showing, n my son noticed n pointed it out to his stepfather, which didnt go over well. he says it is not normal for a child of five, problem or no problems or a hormonal child of thirteen would notice his mothers butt crack.i have two step children who are older than my son but they only live with us in the summer months. my husband is very disturbed by my sons behavior, he says his thirteen yr old never did this, or would ever consider looking or saying the things our son does with me.

i have stopped reading to him in our bed, my husband sometimes sleeps on the couch due to back pain, and my son is not a good sleeper, i used to in the early mornings put him into bed with me, i have stopped doing that as well. my son n i have always had a close relationship, and i have never shared the same feelings as my husband, i just see him as an affectionate little boy. But it is bothering me now what my husband says, so i am asking you as a professional, who is right, do i have something to be concerned about? please let me know if you  can. thank you kindly, sincerely mother of three.

[Agiesmom]

Totally agree with the others.  My son is now 11 and when he was younger, he would say that he wanted to marry me.  I believe the last time he said it he was around 8.  I told him, "The kind of love you have for a girlfriend is a very different kind of love that you feel for your mom, dad, sister, etc.  Once experience that kind of love, you won't want to marry me anymore."  Well, two years later, a cute little girl moved in next door and he was smitten!  He said, "Mom...remember you told me that one day I wouldn't want to marry you and I didn't understand?  Well I understand now!"  LOL!

My husband (his father) thought it was sweet and knew it was normal and that he'd outgrow it.  It's a shame your husband is making this out to be something sick and weird because it is not.  I find it really odd that he is so bothered by this.

Regarding kissing--I think that's something that is different for everyone.  I know people who only kiss their kids on the cheek and I read a book once (I think it was "What to Expect the Toddler Years", but I'm not certain) that said to stop kissing on the lips at two, but I think that is silly.  If you or your child are not uncomfortable with it, I don't see a problem with it.

I hope you print this thread and give it to your husband.  Sounds like he really should consider talking to a therapist about his feelings about your son.

[jd1419]

I have a five year old son--he tells me he is going to marry me when he gets big.  I think all little boys who worship their moms say the same thing at points throughout their lives..there is nothing wrong iwth your little guy saying this to you.  Tell your husband to shut up and be quiet (in a nice way of course).

[althepal39]

You husband said he is a "sick little boy" because he said he wants to marry you?  I think your husband has issues.  All little boys want to marry their mom.  My son said it up to the age of 6 or 7.  There's nothing wrong with your son.  He's only 5 and you're lucky that he is affectionate and sweet - you have to savor every minute of it - once he gets to be 8 or 9 - he'll become "too cool" for all of that! LOL!   Tell your husband to get over himself.  

[irishtwinsmama]

i agree with above posts my two kids are age three and two and they kiss me on the lips  i think its sweet. they also always have to be cuddling with me esp at nite time. i dont think anythings wrong at all.  my son also has developmental delays. i think its odd for your husband to say that, it would make me wonder why he would say such a thing.

[imanaddict]

I agree with the above posts! I feel bad for your son, he NEEDS that attention from you, especially with his condition. I don't understand how a grown man can say something so mean about a child being so sweet! He's only 5!! Please don't let this stop you from showing your son love and affection, or better yet, letting your son show YOU love and affection. You are mother and son, there isn't a stronger bond than that!!

[amish1979]

I agree with RockRose.  My son just turned 6 and exhibits some of those same behaviors toward his mom (my wife).  And if he's not sleeping well and my side of the bed is empty he is welcome to it.  Kids always talk about "marrying mommy", they don't understand it.  Hell, our son even talked about marrying his baby sister a couple of months ago.

You husband is being completely irrational!

[RockRose]

This isn't professional advice - if you want to ask a doctor you have to go to the Ask A Doctor forums on this page.

I think your son is well within the normal range of behaviors - I wouldn't let him kiss me on the mouth,  though.  

Everything else,  completely normal.    Dads usually think it's very cute when their preschoolers say "I'm going to marry mommy" - but stepdads sure don't like it!

I think your husband has stepdaditis,  and this will drive a wedge between you and your son if you allow it.