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Avatar universal

can anyone explain this to me and help mw understand?

I have 4yr old twin nephews. They are total opposites. One is super gentle named A and the other Name E is very rough. E is not like that at school though. His teacher says she doesnt really have any trouble with him except that he doesnt follow direction well. He rather be doing his own thing. When he gets home and sees his brother is what I'm concerned about. A can be just sitting there minding his own business and E will litterly go up to him and start picking on him. Very roughly at that. A rarely fights back. He only fights back when he's had enough and does some damage to E. E doesn't pick on anyone else except his brother. He doesnt fight at school either. Its like if E isn't distracted by a movie or a toy or anything else, he will be messing with his brother no matter what. My question is why? Hes gotten disciplined plenty but nothing keeps him from messy with and hurting his brother. Any thoughts?
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189897 tn?1441126518
COMMUNITY LEADER
      Thankyou, for your input, it really helps.        
Twins have a very special bond.  He grew up playing with his bro.  Its very possible that after being separated from him the whole day, this is how he gets the "bonding" going again.  Wonder if they did a lot of roughhousing before they started going to school?  I think its possible that this is more an attempt by him to get him brothers attention, then being mean, etc.
      I think I would really work more on redirecting or having activities set up that they can do together when they get home- then punishing him.   I have a feeling that he is not hitting him to cause pain - that's usually not a 4 year old thing.  But hitting to get attention is.
      You might try getting a book that is aimed at this age group and meant to be read aloud and then practiced.  Its called "Understand and Care" and deals with empathy.  You can find it here - http://www.amazon.com/Understand-Care-Learning-Along-Book/dp/1575421313/ref=pd_sim_b_2?ie=UTF8&refRID=1E4BHERAH4TQNK41XK97
    as well as other titles that might be helpful.   The book will give you a language to explain why what he is doing is not proper as well as solutions.
    Just as kids have to be taught how to deal with anger, rejection, etc. so do they need to be taught how to deal with other people.  Try the book I mentioned.  Let me know how it works.  
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Avatar universal
He usually just rough houses with him. Sometime the other one will play back but there are times when he literally just hits him to cause pain. They dont usually have the same things only because they have some what different interests. So one isn't trying to take anything from the other. They go to the same school but different classes so theyre seperated all day. But once E sees A, he gets all worked up and starts picking on him right away but he isn't like that at school with the other kids. Only to his brother. They don't go to an after school program at the moment but they used to and the people there said he did the same thing to his brother there. I see them at least once everyday. For at least an hour or so. Sometimes longer. And it just depends on who he's with. Sometimes my sister, which is their mom, me, my grandma or my mom. At times my aunt too, it just depends. But we're all really close so my sister allows that. She doesnt really spank E because usually just the threat will get him to stop temporarily. She found that when she did spank them, it made things worse.
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189897 tn?1441126518
COMMUNITY LEADER
    How much does it seem to bother his brother?  Some brothers just naturally rough house (like puppies).
    What does he do.  Does he try to take away stuff from him?  or do they just wrestle around?  Does he have the same toy that the other brother has, but still wants the brothers?
   Why is he getting home and the other brother is already there playing?  are they in different schools?
    Does this happen after school, on weekends?  Weekends in the morning or all day?
  These are nephews.  Do you have after school care?  How often do you see them?  Is the same problem at home?  
   What person typically does the discipline for the rough housing?
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757137 tn?1347196453
I would be looking for your personal insight. You know what is going on, you just don't know what to do about it.
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Avatar universal
Ok but what more info do you need? Happy to give it to you....
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757137 tn?1347196453
You are the only one who can decide why who is doing what. We are not there observing them. But, with more information from you, we might be able to suggest how you handle the situation.
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Avatar universal
What other kind of info would one need? With E, he practically disregards any discipline he receives and just carries on doing what he normally does. He's very stubborn that way.  
Helpful - 0
5914096 tn?1399918987
I think that you are asking a loaded question, one that cannot be answered without much further info about your kids and your family.  It sounds like E needs consistent and firm discipline.  Don't give up on the discipline just because he chooses to misbehave.
Helpful - 0
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