car safety

I have a 3 1/2 year old who will not stay in his car seat or any type of seatbelt. While driving he gets out of the seatbelts and is all over the car. I have no idea what to do and i am so afraid that he will get hurt or that the police will pull us over and we will be sighted. I find myself not wanting to go anywherewith him. Please help!!!!!!!!

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

As you know, the greatest risk is that your son will be hurt, so the situation has to change. Now, that can be easier said than done, but be persistent. Reward him for complying with your expectations, by bringing a timer on the drives and every few minutes giving him some little (don't indulge him) treat for remaining within the seat restraints. Also, if he does not comply, punish him via withdrawal of the treat but also by time out at home (or, during the trip itself). If all else fails, and to ensure his safety, you might have to resort to restraining his hands during rides. If you reach this point, you likely will not have to do it for very many times - he will get the point.

[Kif]

I had a friend once whom everyone said was "too lenient" in her parenting techniques. She shouldn't allow him to do this, she shouldn't allow him to do that, and she just didn't discipline him, darn it, were typical comments.

Then one day we both took our kids to the park and her son popped a peice of broken glass into his mouth. Within 10 seconds she had that boy upside down, cheeks pinched, fingers jammed in his mouth screaming "Drop it! Drop it!". The point being that when it comes to safety, there is no such thing as too lenient. And there is very little that is too nazi-esque.

Car safety is broken sandbox glass in the mouth. Do what you have to do to keep him in his seat. Winch him in until he cannot even shift his weight, restrain his hands, whatever it takes. Any time he remains in his seat, either by choice or by sheer inability to pull a houdini, be effusive with your praise, pride, and gummy bears. If he cries, turn up the radio.

[JUSTAPOSTER]

Well I