challenging 3 year old

I am a stay at home mom.  Our youngest son just turned three.  I love him to pieces, but he seems very, very demanding, and only wants me to do things, (ie, make his dinner, but him to bed, etc).  He seems unwilling to spend very much alone time at all, and at times, throws huge tantrums.  He seems demanding in other ways too; he only wants to wear certain kinds of clothes, is very picking about what he will eat, (at this point there are about 4 or 5 things he'll eat).

He seems to be extremely bright, at times frighteningly so.  He also has never been a particularly good sleeper, and often seems to have dark circles under his eyes.  He was diagnosed with enlarged adnoids last year.

I am, frankly, worn out.  I feel like I am "on duty" 24/7.  My husband, older son and I are all fairly quiet, soft-spoken, gently people.  My little one has brought much excitement to our lives, but I fear I harbor a sense of resentment towards him.

What do I do?  Are his behaviors/demands normal.  My older child was pretty quiet and level as a toddler.  We've never even had to put him on a time out!  I confess, I feel at a loss as to how to parent my younger boy.

Could his grumpiness be due to health issues?  What do I do about the fact that he wants me with him all the time??  I'd to start him in preschool, but feel concerned about his separation issues.  


Thanks

[msmuck]

Hi,  I have three kids and I'm a stay at home mom.  Their ages are 9 months(boy), 3 yr(girl), and 11 yr(boy).  I must say some kids are easier and some are more difficult.  Because when my 11 year old was 3 he was way more difficult to handle than my 3 yr old girl.  Still today I say he is more difficult to deal with than my 3 yr old.  He isn't a trouble making kid and our home is a loving and peacefull home but he always is doing something to get grounded or told not to do something.  
  I must say they do call it the horrible three's for a reason.  Hopefully he will get easier after the toddler stage.  Some kids are just laid back and easy going while others are more determined and pushy.  
  I always had the boy who causes more problems and he was always going on time out, deffinetly everyday!  He also has ADHD so he is very hyper and it drives much nutty.
  I think it would be best for you and him to have time away for a little while so maybe he's not so attached and obviously you could use a break.  Preschool is probably a good idea.  He should get over the seperation anxiety and probably learn to like going to preschool.  Think of all the positives of him going and the negatives and maybe that helps.  
  Ask your husband to let you go out while he watches the kids for a little while.  That's what I do.
  

[msmuck]

I forgot to add that sometimes I feel mad for a while with my son and I know I have to say I forgive him just so I feel better and then I have to purposely focus on what he is or does that is good.  It is easy to look at all the negative things especually when there is so many bad things that happen.  I also try to find chances to say something to him that is encouraging and uplifting because I don't want to constantly just say what's wrong.  And I think it won't always be like this and he needs me right now.

[jdtm]

I am wondering if your child is suffering from anxiety or is overly sensitive.  An excellent book on this topic is "the highly sensitive child" by Elaine N. Aron which can be purchased on-line, in a bookstore or borrowed from your public library.  I really do not think that your child is trying to be difficult; his behaviours/demands are very similar to those of children suffering from anxiety.  In addition to the book suggested above, you might wish to google the term "childhood anxiety" for more information on this topic.  I wish you the best ....