concerned about 4 year old behavior

I have a 4 year old son who has started expressing several concerning behaviors recently. He is generally well behavied at home, but in public, he acts out of control. He won't listen, he runs away,he slams doors, and yells, He has been doing very dangerous behaviors like running out into traffic and pulling strange dogs tails. He also has been more defiantat home lately. We find him outside, he hits, kicks, and pinches his brother. You ask him to stop and he either acts like he didn't hear you or he tells us no. It is very embarassing in public when you tell your son to stop kicking or yelling and he continues and/or starts running around like we gave him caffeine. At home he is much more reserved. But, even at home when he is naughty, after several warnings, we place him in time out for 4 minutes. It can take us up to 20 minutes to get him into time out. He refuses to walk, he screams, has tantrums, and has started telling us we hurt him when we haven't touched him (which is very concerning that he is going to tell a teacher or stranger that we hurt him and we didn't) We do not spank, we have tried taking away toys, not allowing him to go to the toy store, everything we can think of. My husband and I are starting to feel like we are awful parents because we are obviously doing something wrong for him to act like this. Any advice on what to do? Is this normal behavior for a 4yr old boy? He seems to be doing well at achool, other than the occasional not listening or he hit a friend.

[angelinamarina]

Hi,
It sounds like you are doing all of the right things.  Have y ou talked to the pediatrician?  He may have some sensory issues.  Look up Sensory Processing Disorder.  He may have issues outside the home because the environment is too loud, too bright, etc....
Just a thought...
Angi

[margypops]

Is his brother older or younger than your son, do they get on okay , keep him beside you when you are out in public so he gets no chance to run in traffic or pull dogs tails..I think you get tough on him, no treats reward good behavior not bad behavior it may work better than the time out ,dont take him out unless you have to ..leave him with his dad and get Dad involved in sports and games so he is using up that surplus energy . You are not awful parents you are trying, perhaps there are some child/parent interaction difficlties, get some bounderies set, and be consistant with rewarding good behavior.Focus on his positive side and praise him when you see him doing something right.

[Egg_Gal]

Hi,

I am living a very simular story here.  I have a boy who will be 5 in early July whom I have been getting calls from school regarding "safety", he stands on tricycles, tops of monkey bars, runs from teachers at school.  He has become much louder, and at times has begun to threaten me and others.  The kicking, yelling and hitting has begun also, mostly on the school yard but at home more frequently.  We have a routine "check up" soon and hope this may help, but not certain.

This little fellow does have thalassemia minor (his hemoglobin is always low among other things), I wonder if that doesn't have some added dimention to this situation.

Presently I use distraction, which almost always works, but it is most difficult as passers-by look on as though we have just landed from Mars.


I find to date, rest and good food/drink are always good to consider, as the fatigue and hunger/thirst even tends to make all situations worse.

I hear that caffeine is a "good thing" and have found that it does not make things worse and they may be improved a bit.

Good luck!  Keep asking the questions, trying new things and keeping an open mind!

[loosingsleep511]

BTW- I think we figured out the problem. My son has had a sensitivity to food coloring since he was 1, it used to make him break out in a rash from his lips, stomach cramps, and a rash on to his bottom when he would pass the dyes. As he has grown, the symptoms have changed. Now it gives him symtoms (symptoms) of ADHD. It makes him impulsive, mean, hyper, his heart races, and he breaks out in cold sweat. Apparently, he has been sneaking some foods w/ dyes. We started watching is food intake better, making sure he is eating natural, orgainic foods,and overnight (literally) he is back to my wonderful som again. We have an appt w/ his pediatrician at the end of the month, just to double-check! Thanks for all of your great help! (FYI- even though my younger son does not have this allergy to dyes,  I still strongly recommend looking into eliminating artifical colorings in food for children. It made an overnight difference in my son. I worry that he would have been labelled as having ADHD if we had not figured this out. Thank goodness for my pediatrician!)