confused

[Ky131]

My 5 year old has been exposed to some very innocent experimenting in the past few years. Recently I found out that she has now been experimenting with her little brothers and sister. Mostly with the twins, boy and girl, and they are 18 months. She says she does it a lot when I am sleeping early in the morning and wakes them up. I am not sure if she understands what a lot is. I don't ever seem to get the same story from her. I have explained how it is not okay and so on, but I am concerned for the fact that it is on more than one occasion. Does she need counseling/therapy? Am I doing something wrong? How can I trust her?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Without knowing what you mean when you mention "exposed to some very innnocent experimenting" and "experimenting with her little brothers and sister", I can't really offer you guidance. Would you be more specific?

[Ky131]

Well, the problem is when she tells me what happens her story changes... What is consistent in her story is that she poked her brother and sister in the privates "Alot" and then "a few times" "once, twice, six times"... it varies... with two other children her age, both boys they were looking at each other's privates...When does the experimenting turn into "enough is enough?"

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

This certainly invites an 'enough is enough' response, with very clear, simple limit setting. The message is 'Stop it'. You can let her know that any further occurrences will be met with time out and loss of a privilege for  a day (the 'privilege' should be whatever she enjoys). The behavior is not unusual for the age, and in that sense you needn't be alarmed, but it definitely requires limit setting and discipline.