dis-respectful step-children

My fiance has two children, 12, and 10, and I have been having isuues with them for a long time. And just recently they have called me a "*****", amounst other things. When I tell they're father he either says that he doesn't hear them, or that I'm making it up, and they laugh at me. Well this past weekend they called me a *****, and were caught. They're mother and they're father said that they were gonna have a "talk" with them, but i know that this isn't going to get anywhere, becasue the kids were already denying they said it even after they were caught. This weekend they're father is going to see them, and take them to the movies. I don't believe they should be rewarded for they're behavior? I am almost to the point of leaving the relationship, but then I think that they would be winning? Please tell me what to do, I'm at a loss.

[rebbecca]

ur fiance is letting them get away with it!!!!! and it will not get any better until he is on the same page as u. and sadly it may never change. so do u want to live like this for the next 6 to 8 years in ur home. and it will probably be worst as they are adults. at there age they are use to getting what they want and that will be hard to change without help.
i have a 5 year old stepdaughter and she can be hell on wheels. most of the time she does listen to me and i get dirty looks all the time. and it doesnt help that her mother runs her mouth about me all the time, and i really dont know the women. so to keep the story short they have created a monster!!!!!!!!!
i wish u the best!!!!

[althepal39]

   These "step-kids" were thrown into this situation where their parents are not together anymore.   This may be a very hard thing for them to take - regardless of who's fault it was or whatever the politics of the whole situation are.   And your presence as the "new" mother may further exacerbate their feelings and cause them to act out.    

[AHP84]

If this is more than you can take, but you think that leaving the relationship will be "letting the kids win," it's not. Your fiance will be the one losing you because he failed to see that his children's disrespect toward you was wrong and hurtful and did nothing to really defend you, even after you confronted him about it numerous times. If he loses you, then his next relationship and the next because his kids are disrespectful, it's him who's losing the battle.

Yes, the kids may be going through an emotional upheaval in their lives, but as I mentioned above, there is no excuse for disrespectful behavior to go undisciplined. What the kids need is understanding to get through their parents' divorce, and their disrespectful behavior shouldn't be overlooked.
Also, think about how you portray yourself to his kids. If you were them, do you think you would deserve the respect you want from them? Again, they have no right to call you names, but might they think they have a reason to do so?
It's your choice what you do in your relationship, but don't expect the kids' behavior to change unless their father does more to acknowledge their behavior and put a stop to it, or maybe even a change you might need to make in how you portray yourself to them.
Good luck to you!

[mamab83]

I think that if you have any doubts about the relationship it probily wont work out.  But dont let the kids behavior doubt your relationship.  I came from a divorced family and my mom remarried when I was nine.  For the most part I got along fine with him but we did have some problems here and there.  My advice to you would be not to take the comments to personally, I think that your fiance should disipline them for being disrespectful but understand that they would be say that to you no matter who you are.  Also, I think it is important to be nice to them but not try to push yourself into there lives anymore than necessary,  eventually they will come around.  I am not sure if that will help you but that all I got.

[mamab83]

I think that if you have any doubts about the relationship it probily wont work out.  But dont let the kids behavior doubt your relationship.  I came from a divorced family and my mom remarried when I was nine.  For the most part I got along fine with him but we did have some problems here and there.  My advice to you would be not to take the comments to personally, I think that your fiance should disipline them for being disrespectful but understand that they would be say that to you no matter who you are.  Also, I think it is important to be nice to them but not try to push yourself into there lives anymore than necessary,  eventually they will come around.  I am not sure if that will help you but that all I got.