don't know where I fit in

I am writing about my 5 year old step son who has definate learning and behaviour disabilities. I know it is difficult for his mother and father to accept this as nothing concrete has been done to get a diagnosis for him. They have inconsistently taken him to doctor's appointments to check his eyesight and hearing (because he can not speak well and does not listen to obvious speech directed at hime) and he has attended some speech therapy classes. His daycare was the first to notice his behaviour and reccommended he start to go to a special school they have a partnership with that deals with children with behavioural problems. He has been attending for half a day, 4 days a week for this past year. It has been suggested he may have asperger syndrome but this is not for sure but it is obvious he has a disability but it is very frustrating that his parent will not get a concrete answer for what it is so that we can proceed to help him. I try to help him with everything I can because even though he is not my blood related son, I do see him as "my own" and want the best for him. The bottom line is, he is a child and deserves everything this world has to offer even if it take him a little more time to get it.
These are some of the behavioural specifics so you can get an idea of what I am talking about:
- he constantly repeats the same things over and over
- when I say he doesn't listen when he is called for it is like talking to a statue, he is completely unresponsive
- he likes to be alone and not play with others
- he can not speak in sentences, he can not say words clearly
- he can not answer questions, he just repeats what you ask him back to you
- he has an amazing memory
- he can not sit still for even 30 seconds, his arms or legs are always "squirming"
- he can not make eyecontact with anyone
Those are just some of the things he does. The one I am having trouble with now is his using the toilet. He is going to be entering kindergarden this September and I am so worried for him because he is not ready to be in a class with children that are ready to be there. Who is going to help him use the toilet? Well, let me explain first. He does not stand up and urinate, that is fine but the issue is that he doesn't concentrate so some of it might get on his pants or on his leg. Once this happens he has a fit and will not wear the underwear or pants he has on. Also, if he has a bowel movement he does not know how to wipe himself. He has to call someone to help him. I have tried to show him but I am at a loss.
The reason I am writing today is because we were at the park and then he had to use the restroom. He was acting strange and did not mention he had already gone in his pants. He would not leave the public restroom with the pants and underwear he had on. I had to pesuade him to come to the car so we could go home, have a bath and change clothes. His mother's solution is to alway send him to school with an extra pair of pants?? How does this solve anything??
I am at a loss and I don't want to give up but this is so frustrating.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated

[jdtm]

Sounds like my nephew.  He was diagnosed with PDD-NOS - a close "relative" of Asperger's.  Both are found on the high end of the autistic spectrum.