easily frustrated 7 year old

My son gets easily frustrated with things involving sports/physical/motorskills activities. (Fortunately, he does fine at schoolwork.)
At soccer, which he has been in since age 4, he refuses to follow any of the expected behavior or game rules, and instead lays on the ground playing in the dirt. Yet he insists that he enjoys being with and playing with his friends. My husband is the coach, however, and is very hard on him about this behavior - so that 3 days of the week we have tears, the boy is grounded ashamed, crying, etc.Even his peers are confused and upset by his refusal to join in team play - he is a good athelete when he tries - he just refuses to try most of the time.
I have also been trying to teach him to ride a bike without training wheels. Technically, he can do it, and he says he wants to learn how to do it to ride with friends around the neighborhood, but everytime he gets on the bike, even if he is riding great, he starts crying and it looks as if he almost throws himself on on the ground.
He has similar reactions to problems he encounters with drawing,painting, writing - all activites he enjoys and does frequently.Yet he cries and screams and tears up his work if he draws one little line out of place - instead of just erasing it. I don't know where he gets the perfectionism - I am not that way, and I try to talk to him about it, but nothing seems to help.



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[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Karen,

It might be useful to have your son evaluated by an occupational therapist. His reactivity to the various pursuits you mentioned indicates that he might be experiencing some difficulty with sensory integration, and this difficulty prevents him from mastering the activities and gaining enjoyment from them.

You mention that he tends to be perfectionistic. This trait, too, can make it hard for children to accept the ups-abd-downs of any physical activity or skill, and if an OT evalauation is negative you might follow it with a psychological evaluation.

[shelly]

I have a 6 year old who gets mad every time he is told to do something take for instance going to bed-bed time is a hard time for me because he doesn't think he has to listen to me.  He throws tempertantrums and ends up throwing things at me somtimes even hitting me.  He calls names and no matter how he gets disciplined it doesn't seem to matter to him.  I can take things away from him and he doesn't care.  His teacher has even said he doesn't like to listen to her but has never thrown a fit for her.  She has even said maybe he need to be evaluated.  What do you think is his problem?

[monica]

I HAVE A 7 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER WHO SOUNDS VERY MUCH LIKE THE 1ST BOY. I HAVE NOTICED SHE IS VERY FOCUSSED ON ACTIVITIES SHE IS INTERESTED IN AND THINGS THAT SHE DECIDES ON. HOWEVER WHEN IT COMES TO COMPULSORY THINGS LIKE HOMEWORK, CHORES,OR SITTING STILL FOR A DICIPLINE CHAT SHE BECOMES QUICKLY FRUSTRATED AND OFTEN TEARFUL AND UPSET.I HAVE HAD HER TESTED USING (CONNORS TEST ) & AWAITING RESULTS. I DON;T THINK ITS INTELLIGENCE BUT RATHER THE LAST YEAR OF BEING SEPARATED FROM HER FATHER.
I SENSE THAT A LOT OF THIS IS ATTENTION SEEKING BUT I;M AT THE END OF MY ROPE AS TO WHAT TO DO. HER SCHOOL WORK IS FALLING BEHIND BECAUSE OF HER LACK OF INTEREST AND ATTENTION.
WE'VE BEEN TO COUNCELLING SINCE DAY ONE AND HER FATHER AND I GET ALONG QUITE WELL AND WE ARE BOTH STRIVING TO HELP HER.HER SELF ESTEEM SEEMS VERY LOW.WE'VE TRIED THE TENDER TOUCH AS WELL AS THE FIRM HAND OF DICIPLINE NOYHING SEEMS TO WORK!!!!ANY SUGGESTIONS?

[nicowings75]

A related discussion, 6 year old son hits himself out of frustration. was started.