effects of divorce on my 4 yr old

Posted By Mandy on August 08, 1999 at 22:14:43
My husband left me and our 2 boys, 4 1/2 and 16 months, without any warning about 6 weeks ago. I've been reading as much as I can and have spoken briefly with a counselor about how I can best help my boys through this, but I'm having some difficulites with Jake (my 4 yr old). My husband lives nearby and sees the boys about 4 times a week and sometimes calls on the days he's not here. I have been very supportive of their relationship and never say anything bad about his father to him. Jake is having a lot of trouble saying goodbye to people now, his father as well as other people like his grandparents. He gets very upset whenever people have to go home. Any tips on handling this?
Also, he's been turning on me to some extent. Since his dad left, I've had a lot more to do around the house (I'm a stay at home mom). I don't have as much time to spend with Jake as before. When other people come over (his dad, grandparents, etc) they come to play or spend time with him. So all they do is fun stuff. Now Jake has been asking to go live with his grandma or dad. He thinks that these other people can just play with him all the time and he won't have to help out at all by cleaning up his toys, etc, even though I and my mom have explained otherwise. I know some of this is probably normal, but it hurts me a lot to be the one doing so much for him only to have him resent me for being a "normal" parent. He seems more and more fixated on being with people other than me since I'm not as fun. Any advice on this? Will he outgrow this or will his resentment of me grow? Any other advice on talking to a child his age about separating parents? He doesn't seem comfortable talking about it very often and when he does bring it up, it's only for a minute. How much contact should he ideally have with his dad at this point? What about overnight visits? Thanks for any help. Mandy












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Re: effects of divorce on my 4 yr old HVMA Ph.D.- KDK 8/09/1999
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effects of divorce on my 4 yr old Mandy 8/11/1999
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Re: effects of divorce on my 4 yr old HVMA Ph.D. - KDK 8/14/1999
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