entitled 5 year old

[ceeb6611]

our granddaughter came to visit us from out of town with her father, our son.  They were here for 5 days and all she did was whine and be rude to us.  If we asked her a question she said "stop asking me that."  When we called her by her nickname she said "that is not my name. Stop calling me that."  She yells at the top of her lungs and when told not to she does it anyway.  She is behaving like a little tyrant and we couldn't wait until they left.  She is bright and lively which is fine, but she is also undisciplined and rude which is not fine.  She goes to a Montessori school and we are wondering if perhaps this is not the best situation for a child who seems to need boundaries and strict rules.  Our son tries to reason with her and her mother doesn't think anything is wrong with her which her own mother disputes.  We are heartbroken to see this lovely little girl behave so rudely.

[mrskate]

My son is three and I am fighting a battle it seems.  I have had childhood behavior and discipline classes which one one think would be helpful.  I am in agreement with the last poster, that any adult should be given respect from a child.  My son is always the good one at school which I have always attributed to my set of "standards" however it seems we are now losing that battle at home. He hits, and totally disregaurds a request.  He will push the limit on everything, till I've lost my "cool and spanked him"  He has only been recieving spankings for about six months(with a belt) -
Perhaps they aren't the best.  
I work in daycare where this isn't acceptable. And the kids Run in Class, Jump off Tables, Pull thier pants down, Curse, refuse to do activites, and some will not sit in time out.  And talking doesn't work with some children.  
I feel that some of them are running the home, I am determined my child won't.  But it is becoming very very difficult to know how to best handle my child's behavior. If I tell him I don't like being hit, he plays a game of hitting till I exasperatedly pull out the belt.  If I try to talk he ignores me. I can see that the spanking is building distrust and resentment, but until i do that sometimes I can't get an "I'm sorry for hitting Mommy"
How do I start fresh and try to untangle this cycle?
He knows right from wrong, I know how to reason with him, but it ends up with anger on my part.

[aim7407]

To jdtm and protugese mom,,, Are you two fruit loopy? This Grandmother ceeb6611 is Totally right to be asking about her Grandchild's behavior. Since When did a child deserve to Run the house, her parents, and her grandparents??? I don't care if she was "away from home"  Give Me A Break! IF anything that is alllll the more reason for her to behave like a human being, not a slave driver.  And what is so Wrong with Giving a CHILD  Rules??? Hmmmm sounds like your kids have you whipped! ;-) Good luck with That when they are older. Dr. Kennedy is Totally spot on, you two are living in a fantasy world, where children rule and adults are disrespected and have no authority.  When I was a kid, if  my Grandma told me to do something, I Did it! If my Dad , my Mom, my Aunts and Uncles,  even my Neighbors or the dude at the corner convenience store, a person at church, in the mall,,, a cop, a teacher,,, if I was told to do something, or to stop doing something,  I Obeyed! Period!  And if I ever even Dreamed of talking to my Grandma or Any adult like that,  "stop asking me that!" or "don't call me that!"  or any other rude , spiteful comment she might have made, my behind would have been swatted from here to Ohio and back again!  Geez, what is this world coming to. This little girl needs some discipline and some boundaries, not sympathy!!!!!!   Get a clue people.  And ceeb6611  Good for you!

[susji2]

sounds like this girl needs discipline.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

While a Montessori school may not be the best setting for your granddaughter, the main problem rests with the behavior of her parents. They need to take charge of this situation and set reasonable standards about how she should behave. She will change to the extent that her parents can change. Reasoning with her will do little; and ignoring her behavior as if there is nothing wrong will also be futile. Hopefully her parents will see that their child rearing tactics are failing and your granddaughter deserves better.

[ceeb6611]

Again, I appreciate your comments.  I guess some of this story loses importance in it's delivery.  You know, you would have had to be here to see what I mean.  We do not criticize her behavior.  We do not bombard her with questions and we don't discuss her behavior with her parents.  When we called her by her right name she told us to "stop calling her that."  We don't direct her to talk. And last but not by any means least, she has had problems at school with the same behavior she displayed toward us.

[ceeb6611]

I appreciate your comments. I realize that children will not behave the same way on any given day, but as far as "strict rules and boundaries" at Grandma's house I would have to say that it is not that way.  She is treated with love and respect and allowed to do most anything that is within reason and won't hurt her.  Maybe there is a difference in what my husband and I expect which we consider basic civility.  Neither of us were allowed to be disrespectful to any adult.  As far as asking certain questions, come on.  Is would you like to get pizza an area into which we shouldn't go?  The response is "Stop asking me that."  That is after asking any question once.  I think we are very wrong to not expect certain behavior from children that is within their grasp at a certain age.  Yelling at the top of her lungs and throwing fits is not appropriate behavior for a 5 year old.  Does it happen? Yes.  Should it happen? no.

[portuguese mom]

I agree with jdtm.  She is only 5 years old and she was away from her home. Being away from her routine might have caused her to feel a little off.  Also when it comes to conversation,  5 year old girls do not like to be directed to talk. You need to let her initiate the conversation.  You are only the grandma.  Unless both parents ask for your help, I suggest that you enjoy the child as she is. If you criticize her behavior, the parents (most of all the mom), might not let her visit again and gain an attitude towards you.  Please also call her by the name that she wants to be called and not her nickname.  Children from Montessori are very independent about their decisions and attitudes.  Once she enters Elementary School, if she has a behavior issue, the school will handle the behavior and let the parents know the issues. Let your grandchild grow.

[jdtm]

Personally, I think there is rudeness on both parts.  She asked that certain questions not be asked and she asked that you use her correct name.  These are valid requests.  Our granddaughter is very much this way when she is tired or not feeling too well or simply overwhelmed.  With our granddaughter, I never approach her; I let her approach me.  Sometimes she comes running into the house to see ""Grandma"; and other times, it takes longer for her to "warm up".  I don't know why - I haven't changed; I guess it goes with being a child.  Besides, five days without her mother (and a comfortable and safe routine) would be enough to make any little girl homesick.  Maybe there are too many "strict rules and boundaries" at Grandma's - just a thought.  If there are serious issues here, then the school will let the parents know.