extreme resistance/tantrum behavior - new and sudden to 2.92 yr old

[caramela]

Our daughter has been very "normal" and easy up to about a week ago.  All of a sudden, at bedtime-including naps, she has gone from easy/delightful child to a screaming/kicking nightmare.  We have had the bedtime routine since the beginning, books, music, prayer - all in dim light.  When we leave the room, we come back and touch hands and blow kisses, etc., now impossible.  She was going to bed at 8:30-9 and getting up at 7 with no interruption.  Now, several hours after, she wakes up and comes out to get us.  One of us ushers her back and must sit there (with no responses to her) till she dozes off.  I've talked to her in pleasant day time about night problems and she hasn't said anything specific or significant.  In addition, every routine activity - dressing, changing clothes, dinner, changing soiled underthings, comes with more fighting and/or a tantrum.  If the mood persists, we sit her on the step and leave her while she's raging and tell her she can talk to us when she can talk in a nice voice and we do not respond to her until that happens.  Then we try to be normal again and give her affection and she can snap right out of it and be pleasant again.  At her 2 yr. Ped. visit, I told her there were still no "terr. 2's" and Dr. said they would arrive eventually, with her ever increasing cognizance, with a vengeance.  The questions are, are we doing the right thing with her other tantrums? How do we get back to a good bed time situation?   Is Ferber too severe since she was already in a good, self sleep routine prior - do we gate her off and let her scream? HELP!!

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

You're doing fine re: your general management of her, including around bedtime. Now, the behavior has not been occurring for long, so it's too early to tell if it will persist. If so, definitely adhere to Ferber's guidelines. They are time tested and effective, if parents have the resolve to follow them without exception. As an aside, you mention that your daughter comes to wake you up. I take it that she is no longer in a crib. Many parents eliminate the crib much too early in their child's development. Young children don't have the impulse control to remain in a bed, and the situation is exacerbated when they are going through normal developmental changes in sleep patterns. I think that children fare better when they remain in their crib at the very least through their third birthday and even until they approach age four. At that age, they can manage reular beds much easier.