grandma wants 6 year old happy again

[sin1957]

My 6 year old grandson is a wonderful boy.When he is at home with me, or at his aunts house.He had problems with his ears when he was a baby,and they put tubes in. Now he can hear, but is way behind his class mates in speach, but he has never showen violents at home or with his brother. Now lets talk about school. He head butts his teacher. Hits her, and kicks her calls her REAL bad names. The teacher, and her aid both carried him to the office when he would not go, and they kicked him out of school for two days. When he came home that night after his first day back. He had a natty note for one of the days that he was not even in school. I have three childern, And 9 grandchildern. What is going on in this class room. He does not act that way anytime, or anywhere, but at school. I do not want a teachers job. I could never deal with others kids, but she took the job, and I do not want my grandson hurt at school or treatered unfairly when I have never sean this behavior. What can I do to help him, and the school. They would not hurt a child mentaly on purpous would they???

[specialmom]

What is difficult when a child reaches six years old is that they are "in" the school system.  Your school is set by your location/home and then at the school, depending on the size-----  you have only certain teachers that teach the grade your child is at.  We have a huge elementary school of over 800 students and have two kindergarten teachers.  You are limited with being able to switch.  One could always choose to go to a private school if they can afford to pay for it and that can be the wisest choice.  However, they often have even fewer resources for dealing with children that challenge them and thus, less tolerance.  

I have a child that was difficult and disruptive a while back.  My goal for him was that he could go into ANY class and function as the other kids did and be successful.  I've been successful at doing that by helping HIM with coping skills to adjust to the situation.  

While it doesn't have to be a disorder, there has to be a reason.  Finding out the reason is key to helping a child learn to cope.  Good luck to the poster.

[margypops]

I responded on the other post you put up and I agree with Diva ..I think this teacher needs to be aware and I do not agree that it as to be some disorder .

[skepticalpeach]

When we had issues with the school it was definitely the teachers' fault. They were singling out my daughter and being mean to her. They demanded that she take naps (even though she didn't need one). She has a speech delay and it turned out they had no idea what to do with her. When she got upset they got upset with her. They panicked. At one point they held her down to try and force her to sleep. She kicked the teacher in the face (in self defense) and was expelled from the school. I didn't know that all this was going on because my DD couldn't tell me. All she would say was "bad Nicole!" and throw fits when I tried to bring her to school. I found out later that this same teacher would lock children in the bathroom during nap time when they wouldn't sleep. She also got in trouble for hitting a child.

So, I think that if your grandson is upset it's important to see it from his point of view. Why can't they calm him down? What exactly is going on? Can you call the school social worker and talk to them about this? An outside view might help.

Now that my DD has a teacher that she loves and is super nice and patient we've had no issues. She is excited to go to school and we don't have any tantrums. If you find a teacher your grandson likes it will probably help a lot.

[specialmom]

I agree that a lot can be learned by observing and volunteering in a child's classroom.  

No, they wouldn't purposely mentally hurt a child.  They are not targeting your grandson as they have no reason to.  His behavior seems to indicate he is having difficulty adjusting to this classroom setting.  I would look at it from that point of view rather than trying to believe they are making things up.  

Now, I will tell you that my son went to preschool and was a VERY different child than he was at home.  Shockingly so at times.  While we had our issues at home occasionally and in retrospect, other things were present that I missed . . . things were just problematic at school.  Had I taken the stance that it was the school and not my boy--------  I'd never have been able to help him.  He's now 7 and in the second grade and doing really well.

My boy, it turned out, has a developmental delay called sensory integration disorder.  Don't let the word delay fool you----  my boy is very bright with a high IQ.  But he had trouble in enviroments he found over stimulating, exciting, out of his control.  He often had a 'fight or flight" response which is common in a sensory kid------  and is a base level reaction.  Sensory involves how the nervous system processes things.  We began occupational therapy for it and things are going beautifully now.  

So, my point is------  I would try to observe him for yourself as should his parents in that setting and be open minded to solving the problems he is having rather than disbelieving them.  That won't help the boy.  

If you google sensory integration disorder and see any matches, let me know.  I have lots of things a family can do to calm a child's nervous system and my son has never taken medication (as sometimes people think that by saying their child needs help or intervention----  that this automatically means drugs).  

You can talk to the school counselor as well.  I imagine they will have an intervention specialist begin observing your grandson and may ask for evaluations to be done to help him.  Remember, that is what an evaluation is for-----  to find out how to help a child be successful in school.  So be open to this.  

good luck

[jdtm]

What is going on in this class room. -  your words

Maybe it is time for a family member to volunteer to help in that classroom an afternoon or two every week or so.  If possible, this would be the best way to know "What is going on in this class room."  That's what I did when our granddaughter was having "issues" - and I found the unexpected and totally surprising reason.  In our case, it was not school's problem; our granddaughter suffered from severe anxiety (we  had no idea of this disorder prior to this time), but  it was up to us to "solve" it.  And, today, our granddaughter is doing well.  All the best ....