group masturbation at 8 years old ?

I pride myself on being a foward thinking mom. So I do not want to discourage my daughters from masturbation, after all it is the only SAFE form of sex. I also try to keep them talking to me about ANYTHING. I ask them on a regular basis about being touched. My youngest is the most open, she tells me everything from a friend said sex is kissing to I touch myself down there because it felt good. Last week when we had out talk she said her friend (girl) had been touching her. I tried to stay calm and asked if she told her not to do that. She said no, because she liked it. I told both girls they were to young and should only touch THEMSELVES & not each other in private. Now she is complaining cause they can't play "sex games" anymore. I know my child has not been abused. So that isn't an issue, but how do I explain that it just is not okay? Or am I wrong for stopping them?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

You are doing the sensible thing. That is, you are educating your daughter that masturbation itself is a natural thing to want to do, and that it should be done in private, not with other children. And she should learn that it is not OK to permit someone else to touch her in the genital area. It would make sense to touch bases with the parents of the other girl, to be sure you are all on the same wavelength, so to speak.

[Hasbabe]

well i think it would be okay if she was much older.  I think your going the right way with it though,I mean you are a great mom and if she likes being touched there youu should tell her that if you like that then when you take a shower or bath she can  do that herself. (so no one is hurt motionaly that way)and if she doesn't listen tell her that when she is older she can do that. But not know.

Your friend,

Hasbabe

[lilgirlsdaddy]

You are right, mom. Tell her that NO ONE should ever touch her private area but herself. And when she does, she needs to be in her own room, where no one can see her. It's ok and normal for her to do that, but allowing other's curiosities will lead to horrific consequences. Especially when she gets older. You don't want to end up raising a grandchild when she becomes a teen. Or, you may or may not have to deal with homosexuality. Anyway, you are doing the right thing. Don't make a big deal about it to her and don't humiliate or embarrass her. Just send her to her room and tell her that what she's doing is personal and private, and that no one should ever touch her there, she should never touch anyone else there, and no one should ever see her touching herself. I have been through this, too. And trust me, it's a very difficult thing to talk people about. But we have finally broken our daughter from it. The embarrassing part for us was, she would do it anywhere, in front of anyone! We were sooooo embarrassed and humiliated!

[Neshand]

As a kid I can remember "playing house" or "playing mommy and daddy" with my friends.  I'd never thought about it anymore until I was an adult with a child of my own. My daugther is 8 years old. I opened her door the other night and she and her little friend (same age) were under the covers in bed. Normally I would not have thought twice about it, but they jumped when I went into the room and they had the look of guilt all over their faces.  I told the little girl to come on so I could take her home but she was reluctant to come from under the covers.  I sensed her discomfort, and left out of the room.  The child's parents were in the other room so I couldn't panic and I would've been too embarrassed to say anything.  That night, I asked my daughter what they were doing and she couldn't even look me in the face.  We have a very open relationship and she usually tells me everything, so I was very shocked.  She just told me that they talked about sex.  She said that the little girls hears her parents have sex and she doesn't like it.  She hasn't admitted that they did anything sexual, but I think otherwise.  

I didn't over-react, but I did talk to some of my friends about it.  They all said that they played "house", "catch a girl get a girl", "mommy and daddy", and other sexual games (with both girls and boys) while they were very young. Most of these women (who are now mothers themselves) said it never went passed lying on top of each other (fully clothed) and moving around, gyrating, or grinding. A few said they'd actually pulled the clothes down once or twice to touch.  1 friend said she was caught and scolded by a relative, but she continued to do it.  She just became more sneaky and more ashamed of it.  None of them seem to be scarred from it, and once they began to approach adolescence, it just stopped.  It was the same way for me. I don't remember doing this after 9 years old. At the time, it seemed no different that hide and go seek- just a game.

But, what do you do if you catch your child or suspect your child of playing sexual games? What do you say? Is it normal? What about the same sex part of it? A doctor on a tv show said that same sex relations among little girls as young as 4 is very common and no source for alarm.  But do you approach it at all? Do I ignore it and pray for the best or tell her to never do it again? If I express my feelings about it- will it just make her sneak around.  Also, this friend of hers now wants to spend the night at my house.  Her mother is a new friend of mine and I don't know what to say.

[KevinBarkley]

I would inform them about what they are doing. But kids can and will experiment. I know I did at a very young age. By the time I was 5 I had already touched my friends vagina. Mostly because I was curious. Kids don't have the same sense of what should be kept private. They both found something that feels good so they tried it together. Just like if they both liked soccer, they wouldn't find it odd to do that together. my opinion. Is if none is getting hurt by it. Then why make a big deal about it. Personally as a father I'd just be happy its not a boy yet. You said masturbation is the only safe sex. Well what she is doing is the next best thing. I know a few girls with the same story. All turned out just fine. And all are heterosexual.