help me how can i love my eldest child

[2_little_angels]

I have a very big problem I've never been able to bond or love my 4 and ahalf year old he is naughty and rude and uncontrollable in public I get kicked out of shops busses cabs because of him. I have a 2 year old I love so much my heart feels like its going to burst he's fine calm sweet a bit naughty but I love him too much and have never been apart from him. I caught my 4 year old sticking a small  toy up his butt today in the bath and he saw me and quickly took it out like he knew it was wrong that scared me half to death why would he do that I asked my mum and she said that's not normal. He makes me cry so much and feel evil for not loving him, but my 2 yr old makes me feel the total opesit. I sometimes want to end my life or take my youngest and run away and give him to his dads family who I dispise because of the hell they put me thru.. and my kids love eachother so much I can't imagine them apart but how do I love him again like I did when he was a baby for a while how can I be normal I can't do this anymore I'm close to the edge!!

[Disneymom13]

You could play a game at home in the yard that only he can play like maybe kick the ball around? While your other boy isn't home and make his favorite dinner that night.

[ku111]

I definately thing you need to get him to a child psychiatrist.  I can look back now and laugh but I sure wasn't laughing when my son was that age.  Wow, was he awnry!  I have a gap between my two boys of 6 almost 7 years if that tells you something!LOL  I loved him with all of my heart but he didn't love me back much.  He was evaluated and placed on medication until he was about 15.  He chose to stop them and to be honest he is the best teen I could ask for.  He just couldn't stop.  He has actually become the easier of the 2.  He is still so independent and this is so good.  My pediatrician used to tell me independence is good but really really hard at this age.  You will be glad when he is older-I so am.  He is graduating this year and has great plans for college. The younger was such a sweet baby. always laughing and happy.  He is a bit bull headed in his teens and not near as easy to talk to.  Strange, huh?  Well, hang in there.  Get him evaluated and see what is going on.  I think you do love him a lot but this can become so overwhelming and stressful.  Let them help him.  He might not show it but he doesn't like the constant negativity also.  I felt like all I was doing was saying, no, stop, please stop, etc...  I hope you both feel better very soon.  Goodluck!  Wish you all the very best!

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Ya know, my oldest boy was totally different than my younger child.  He was much more high maintence.  Much more work on my part.  I realized that if I, his MOTHER, felt that way----  he might have a hard life as the rest of the world would be even less forgiving than me.  That made me sad for him and for your boy too.

My son had 'extra' things going on.  He has sensory integration disorder which looks like add/adhd but is different. He lacked impulse control, had no filter, was always moving, etc.  He had a really hard time in preschool.  We tried early intervention with him and do you know it made a WORLD of difference.  I realized that my boy wasn't really enjoying acting up but just couldn't help it.  Giving him the coping skills and tools he needed to maintain himself better made him happier and ME happier too (for me, it was more happy that he was happy as I never resented him for the way he was. He just tired me out.)

When you say it is genes.  Well, yes.  It is a different world.  We now know that we can help kids when in the past and past generations still fight it, they didn't do much to move kids to a better place of fitting in, coping and functioning.  So maybe his dad and his dad's family have some developmental issues on their side that no one ever worked with---------  but you have the chance to help your son.

Whether it is that type of issue or not, intervention will most likely help.  They can work on impulse control and outlets for energy, etc.  so, talk to the person at school and have them assess your child and then even consider a developmental pediatrician.  Nothing could be wrong developmentally at all but you need to rule that out.  good luck

[adgal]

I personally think your confusing love with frustration.  It sounds like he is a handful, and has some special challenges that would be difficult with a partner in the picture, let alone as a single mom.  I agree with taking him (and probably yourself) to therapy.  I know you are frustrated right now and having a really tough time, but I suspect that eventually you would regret the decision to give him up.  I would bet anything that you still love him, it's just being clouded with how difficult things are.  I wish you well, this cannot be easy.  But I urge you to try what the others have suggested and get therapy for him and counseling for yourself.  All the best to you.

[margypops]

I think you could use some therapy as its nor good to feel like this about your child , maybe a good idea to ask your doctor about it good luck

[LovemyKids86]

Try the therapy before making any decisions :)

He could be bi-polar, he could be just angry…it could be anything. They will help you and him and maybe it will help strengthen the bond that you have been missing.  

[2_little_angels]

Yh maybe he going to grow up to be gay! Who freking knows.. yeah he ll be going into therapy and if this carrys on, to his dads family too I can't deal with this anymore I keep trying but I have other children I need to stay happy for he can grow up and hate me for giving him up but LORD KNOWS I'VE TRIED!

[LovemyKids86]

Best way to analyze the problem is through therapy. They will talk to him and try to figure out a diagnosis of his behavior. They are trained and study these kinds of things.  

[ICantWait2CU]

Maybe he is gay and he already knows it? He may already feel different from everyone that's why he acts out a lot. And maybe u can since it too that's why your not as close or accepting of him. Just a theory...

[2_little_angels]

But I think its in the genes ever since he was a baby he's been hyper and very independent. His dads like that. I've already been called to school to pick him up they said he was unmanageable! He spits at teachers and kicks them so embarassing I just want to home tutor him but I need the break away from him  

[2_little_angels]

Yes there's one at his new school gonna try that probably

[LovemyKids86]

Have you ever thought about maybe taking him to a "Behavior Specialist"…?? Some kind of therapy to see what may be causing the type of behavior he is putting out?

[Stacey91]

Aww I dont really have any advice but I hope someone comes along who does =[ this sounds so stressfull and upsetting and I couldnt begin to imagine how you feel!