how to help my 3 year old to understand she is in a foster home right now she gets a visit with me and when she goes back to her foster home she starts to destroy her toys she hits her foster bother n sisters she pulls her hair out she goes potty in her pants she diggs a hole in the wall n picks at it she diggs a hole in her mattres and takes all the spung out of it!!i want to help her it hurts to know she is hurting inside i know she wants to come home somebody help me help her please???????
You should contact your caseworker/social worker at the child welfare agency. I spent a good part of my social work career as a child welfare worker and I know that its important to keep contact with this worker if you want to regain custody of your children. It isn't unusual for children that have been removed from thier parents custody, placed in foster care to act out after a visit with their parents. In fact it shows that your daughter has a bond/attachement to you.
At the same time, these visitations with you and then having to be returned to the foster placement is very unsettling and disturbing for a child so young. Your dtr. is too young to understand the situation that you are both in. You dtr. is too young to be in traditional therapy, but play therapy may be helpful. Talk to your caseworker about this. You should ask the caseworker also how the foster parents are handling your dtr. behavior in their home.
Do you have a relationship or contact with the foster parents? Many foster parents do not want to have contact with their foster children's biological parents for very understandable reasons. However, there are some that welcome contact with biological parents, providing extra visits in a neutral place like a park or restaurant. It will not hurt to ask your caseworker if the foster parents caring for your child would be interested in these types of contacts. It will not hurt to ask your caseworker if the foster parents are interested in providing additional visits at a neutral location. Its important for your dtr. to have regular contact with you to keep the bond that you have with her together.
The bottom line is that if your child is to be reunified with you, you need to follow the case plan, you need to be compliant with what your caseworker asks of you. You need to be present at scheduled visits with your dtr.
I agree 100% with Cleveland Mom. Your communication with the people who can help your daughter, as you are working on regaining custody, is essential to her wellbeing.
In addition, she might like some play dough right now. Maybe you can use the play dough together, and talk about how squishing the play dough helps when we are upset. This is a play therapy technique and if you make it fun together, maybe she can start using it instead of other things to help with her aggression.
Your daughter needs a lot of support right now. Please make sure to work closely with your caseworker and possibly with the foster parents. Best wishes
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