help

[genny187]

my 5 yr. old talks back, i have to repeat myself several times, when he gets mad he'll say things like your mean, he hits. his dad sends up to his room it works for a while he'll go up there and cry. so when he's getting in trouble his dad will point upstairs and he doesn't want to go. but he won't listen to me. what should i do?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

You do not have to repeat yourself over and over; that is a choice you are making. When you do that, you are essentially teaching your son not to take you seriously, so he doesn't. He will change to the extent that you can change. Read Lynn Clark's book SOS Help for Parents (see www.sosprograms.com) and follow the guidelines precisely (don't pick and choose among the suggestions). If you do, you will see change for the better.

[lowillia]

Children often tend to get sassy... however your 5 yr old needs to understand that parents make the decisions. How about having a family meeting.. discussing the rules of the house. Discuss clearly the logical consequences that will take place if his behavior becomes inappropriate... loss of a priviledge etc. It is reasonable to allow him the opportunity to express his opinions. including anger, however this must be done in an appropriate manner. Hitting is NEVER ok. You may want to sart a behavior chart or a reward system such as filling up a jar or container for positive behavior... he can work towards a goal.. something special like going bowling with you... or out to a movie... whatever. He can earn points by being helpful..polite and cooperative by filling up the jar with either a button, a cotton ball... when he has made good choices. Any bad behavior results in losing a button or cotton ball and a consequence.no tv...no computer.... wahtever .. just make sure the punishment fits the crime. When the jar is full... he gets rewarded to whatever it is that he was working towards... be sure you accept in advance the reward .. children can have grandios ideas... such a trip to DIsney!!!!  Children need boundaries in order to feel safe even though they appear to want to have all the control You and your husband need to be a unified front and be consistent on the consequence.  Hope this helps! It may take a few weeks until he gets it that you mean business... he is also old enough to help with chores around the house.... though he may balk... it helps children to feel as they are a contributing member of the family! Good luck :-)  Parenting is a challenge... but rewarding experience!