I have came to the conclusion that I have no control over my child. He is totally disrespectful to me and his step dad. Yes me and his father are not together nor does he have anything to do with the kids. He tells me no refuses to go to bed at night, always finds excuses to stay up saying he is sick and needs to tell me something. I have tried spanking, time out, taking toys, T.V., video games away. NOTHING WORKS. I am exhausted to the point where I don't know what to do anymore. He tells my husband that he is not the boss and he does not have to listen to him, and I am the only person that he has to listen too. Could it be a lost cause, should I let the step dad help me with discipline? What should I do? I am at my wits end with him. When he screams and cries for long periods of time, I just give in, so he will stop. He has asthma, so crying flares it up. What should I do? Can You Help
Your problem is most likely exactly as you said--you give in.
I have no experience with asthmatic kids, but what I would do is have the inhaler ready, then let him cry it out, but do not ever give in. He's using his disability to manipulate you (aren't children amazing at how wonderfully they can manipulate? I find it quite fascinating that they're so keen about how to play us parents on our most sensitive nerves for their benefit).
I could be wrong--again, I have no experience with asthmatic kids. Maybe talk to his pediatrician to get facts about dealing with tantrums for asthmatics.
But the most important thing is that ultimately, you should never give in, no matter what. You need to stay in control because you're the parent, and he depends on you to set boundaries for him, whether he likes it or not.
It sounds like you're using perfectly fine discipline methods, but you've got to stay consistent and, no matter what, don't ever give in.
Could you take a week, and just show him a LOT of affection? Give him a little hug as you pass, or smile really warmly at him when he enters the room, or tell him thanks for doing this with me, you're great company!
SO often with children of mothers who marry, the child is just kind of tolerated and not really enjoyed, and they become disrespectful brats out of anger. I may be reading this wrong, but I just don't see many cases where parents treat a child with great warmth, and respect, and their child acts like a disrespectful brat in return. it usually goes both ways.
I agree with the above posts. 1.) You should not give in. You need to have house rules and establish clear-cut boundries with your children. A great book is: SOS: Help for parents by psychologist Lynn Clark. You need to inform your children that some new rules are in place. Start working on just 2 problem behaviors i.e. back talk, enforcing a specific bed time i.e. bed time will be at 8:30 p.m. Inform them or him that back talk will no longer be tolerated and that if they back talk they will be sent to time out for 5 minutes (1 minute for every year old the child is). Give him one warning if he continues send him to time out. Time out should be in a boring place i.e. bathroom, utility room. With the bedtime establish a bed time routine if you already haven't i.e. bath, reading stories together, brushing teeth then to bed. The routine has to be one that works for you and your family. If he fights you and disobeys, the to time out. He doesn't have to go to sleep at the established bed time but he must remain in his bed. If he gets out of bed, he should be sent to time out.
The hardest part is the first few days after the new rules are in place because kids while fight you the hardest. Be strong and be CONSISTENT! Don't give up, I can guarantee you that you will see significant improvements if you follow a plan such as the one that I outlined. I know from experience because I have set up a behavior plan for my 4 year old son and 2 year old dtr. Kids need and want rules and boundries. By providing structure and consequences for bad behavior you are helping your children develop character and emotional maturity. You will be helping them function better at school in the short term and better in life in the long run.
You will feel better and more confident as a mom, once you help your kids shape up their behavior. Its very unsettling for anyone to feel like they have no control over their kids. You need an established bedtime because you and your husband NEED down time, away from your kids.
2). Kids need love and affection and its very important to provide hugs and kisses and for them to know that they are loved. In terms of behavior its important to praise good behavior and kindness that they demonstrate.
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