i need help asap

[nikk321]

my son has had a hard life and I guess I used to make up excuses for him of why he acts the way he does but now it is getting out of control he almost got kicked out of school the second day from being a bully and it just got worse . he is the oldest out of three he was my only child for five years. when I watch him with out him knowing I noticed he likes to hurt kids and then says he didn't mean to or he didn't know he was hurting them but I seen the look on his face and he knew and I can tell he likes it its real scary I have tried therapy, counseling time outs grounding him taking any games away that had violence any movies I have started to spank him but it just seems to make it all worse which I can see why cant solve a violence problem with violence I don't know what to do please help me

[nola0805]

I commend you for realizing what is going on with your son.  It is hard to realize and acknowledge when serious issues may be going on with our children.  His behavior is quite concerning.  You are right that physical punishment will not make this better, in fact, there is tons of research that suggests that spanking makes this problem worse.  There are a subgroup of children that have what we call "callous-unemotional traits" (these children often also have ADHD and can have conduct disorder).  They do not respond to usual treatment and require very specialized care and treatment.  I would look into whether this fits for your son.  Please do not be too hard on yourself - this is very hard to treat, even by professionals - and it sounds like you have tried lots of things to help him.  There are some very specialized treatments for children with callous-unemotional traits.  I strongly suggest doing some research on this and finding someone near you who specializes in diagnosing and treating this; otherwise you are right, typical therapy is not likely to do any good.  (I am a child psychologist by the way).  Best of luck.

[jewellbumpus]

i would say show him a clip on u tube about bullying or video him doing it make him watch it and explain how he feels after he sees it. my son isnt a bully but is born in the country where mom dad uncles and every one around him carry a knife in pocket for the use of work he took a knife to school thinking nothing of it to cut the snow it wasn't until i showed him the sandy hook story did he understand that there is a place for such things that guns are for hunting and knifes help us in cooking opening certain things ect. he was devastated by the time he was done with the movie he said i don't want to hurt any one mom i explained he may not of wanted to but what if a friend took his knife and was having a bad day and hurt someone else he would b in-trouble for taking it just like the other boy for hurting some one. after our talk i set rules and consequences for his actions its hard but dont give in no matter the bratty ness he does push my buttons iv been called the meanest mommy in the world and to him i respond i may be the meanest mommy but u will not grow up to b like other kids u r my son and i will spank you every day till ur 18 and out of my house but u will not act this way good luck its hard but i was told once when he had a fit in public in front of him by a lady its the meanest mommys in the world who are the best mommys