My opinion based on your short description is that he is manipulating you and your family. This is based solely on your last sentence where you said, "His attitude in school is completely opposite his grades are top of his classes and he is the most pleasent child ever." If kids can act well at school, they can act well at home. The difference is the discipline structure. School has very set rules and consequences. They don't sit kids down and ask why. The don't argue between the headmaster and the teachers on how to discipline. Its very cut and dry. That is what you need to do. He has been using his intelligence to manipulate the situation in his favor and has been doing it since he was 3. The trouble is that you have to change a situation that has been going on for years.
Your first step should be to buy the book, "SOS Help for Parents," by Lynn Clark. Or get some good professional help on dealing with teens.
Your second step is to form a united front with your husband - this is extremely crucial! You must be on the same page! You need to plan out what you will do and then inform your son. Its just like the teachers do the first day of class. Then you need good short term punishments that both you and your husband agree on. Always leave yourself room to escalate. Never make anything long term. Never, ever say, " if you are good for two months you will get a reward." Nor do you ever want to take away something for months. Take it away, and give it back. Next time take it away for a slightly longer time - he will get the message.
Also don't be afraid to talk to his teachers for help. Best wishes and good luck!
There are not really "tests", they just ask about symptoms he is having, keep good records of his behaviors. If he's doing well in school, but not at home, then I would question that. Could it be he is entering the "teenage years" and starting puberty, he is a little young. Also, maybe is holding it together for the school but at home, he lets his "guard" down. To me it doesn't sound like bipolar, but I would ask to be sure. Is the school asking a lot of him?
I'd get him tested both physically and psychologically, just to rule out stuff. Be sure the psychiatrist knows what your son said about just pretending things are OK. But he should take actual assessment tests, not just chat with the doctor.
I'm sorry. I know a few people whose kids have bipolar has he ever been tested ? It could be something simple or complex. It must be very challenging, I guess if I were in your shoes depending on the situation I may or may not give in. One would think with him being almost 12 he is old enough to know better but if something is going on deeper than you think he may not have the ability to control himself etc. I would get a 2nd opinion switch dr's. You know your child and your fears or concerns when it comes to them should not be unheard. I would rather have all the testing in the world done even if it's nothing than to not. I wish I had alittle bit more insight luckily I'm not experiencing what you are but i hope you have alot of support. I'm here if you need to talk. I'm hoping someone else with personal experience can better help you. Good luck!
AP