in need of some help/advice

[mscr]

the past few months my 5 yr old son has been acting out very badly. he is refusing to do his work at school says he forgets his ABC's cant write his letters gets mad at everything even if its nothing. he has started to hit other students stab his work and kick chairs, yell at the teachers and not listen to any one or any thing.
his behavior at home has get just as bad he yells at me his step dad and his brother he smashes things and slams doors when he is sent to his room, I have taking tv and video games away I do behaviour charts and rewards with him and they don't seem to be working ne more.
ive taking him to the doctors but they did nothing im waiting to hear back from another one in a few months. I don't have a few more months I need help now with my son. he went from a well behaved loving kid to someone who doesn't listen or care about others.
im doing extra work with him at home to help with school and he doesn't seem to care to learn any more.
ive been called in to the school to have a meeting with the teachers as well as a councillor, they say he is a very anger kid and should be.  he wont talk to ne one he just yells and freaks out.
does someone have any advice
please help

[Sandman2]

   Yes, I agree, something is triggering this.  It could have been something in his homelife or something at school.  You need to go to school and observe what is going on.  And specialmoms questions are very valid.  I would add:  when is his birthday.  How about sleep?  Does he get a good nights sleep?  (lack of sleep will cause many of these problems)
  I completely agree with specialmom - you cannot discipline him at home for what he is doing at school.  It only makes things worse.  You can try and teach him at home how to handle his anger which will carry over to school.
For example, buy "cool down and work through anger,"  and read it to him and practice it with him.  You can find it here - http://www.amazon.com/Cool-Through-Anger-Learning-Along/dp/1575423464/ref=pd_sim_b_2?ie=UTF8&refRID=16DAV04PQ75Q2WB4YHPY
    And, he does show signs of ADHD so you might want to check out this website - http://www.help4adhd.org/en/about/what
   So I guess the big questions deal with what is triggering this.  Is it his age, something going on at school or at home, ADHD, or?   This is what you need to try and figure out.  We will be here to help you.  Keep us posted.

[MarkLakewood3367]

Given that this behavior began in the past few months, something must have occurred that is triggering anger.  Did the school counselor recommend therapy services to find out why your son is so angry?  If not, this is what he needs.  Either you could take your son to a private mental health therapist or perhaps the school would be willing to provide such services for free.  Though an appointment with his MD is a good idea, counseling will help him better cope with his emotions.

If your son's behavior is too much to handle for the school, a day treatment program would be the answer.  The mental health professional should be able to help you find a program.  The main difference between a day treatment program and a private therapist is that the program will provide him counseling services each day that he is there when the private therapist probably will only see him once a week.  Additionally, the program will offer much more structure than what the typical school can provide.  The severity of his behaviors will determine the proper treatment modality.

[specialmom]

Hi there. VERY sorry to hear about this as I'm sure it is hard on everyone.  Typically when you hear of a 5 year old having trouble like this, there is a root cause.  

Is your son one of the youngest in his class?  Did he go to preschool or anything prior to kindergarten or is this his first school experience?  What are his teachers saying?  I it full or half day school (a 5, my kids did half day).  

If you live in the US, you can ask by law to have your child evaluated by the school system.  They can have a psychologist evaluate him, an occupational therapist and physical therapist.  This is very helpful because it will give you a better idea of things going on as well as it is the start of accommodations at school to help him.  

In terms of consequence for hitting another child at school, how are they handling that?  At that age, things need to be immediate so you really can't discipline him after the fact when he gets home from school.  

So, what's home like?  Is anyone a hot head at home?  Is there anyone modeling the impatience, inability to handle frustration, lashing out at home?   That is not to criticize if there is but it helps to understand where it might be coming from.  You mention a step dad, is his bio dad in the picture?