inappropiate sexual play

my child very recently told me about an incident between them and another child.  My child is 9 and the other child is 10.  My child stated they were playing and evidently out of the blue decided to "pull their pants down and hug."  I tried to stay calm when he told me because he was very upset and knew that it was wrong.  He said they pulled their pants down, hugged for about 5 seconds, and then pulled their pants up and went on to play other "appropiate games." He said it was his idea and he didn't know why he did it.  He said they did not touch each other's privates and he is saying that that is the only time it happend.  what prompted him to tell me was that he had told a different friend at school his secret and now that friend is blackmailing him.  If my son does not do what he wants the friend threatens to tell the teacher.  By the end of the conversation my son was sobbing and saying he did not want the teachers to think he was a freak.   I am very upset and dont' even know where to start.  I would appreciate any advice.

[cutiegirl]

Make sure your child understands that what he did was wrong. Tell him that you are going to tell his teacher so that she can stop his "friend" from blackmailing him. Tell him that you'll tell the teacher not to punish him, and if she does, that he should tell you and you will make sure he doesn't have to do the punishment. When telling the teacher, tell her that your son came to you in confidence and you expect him/her to respect your son's privacy, and that you have already dealt with the issue. I also recommend you tell the parents of the other child, but ask that they talk to their child rather than punishing, as it worked for you. There is an 80% chance the parents will forbid their child from playing with your son, so make sure he is aware of this. Good luck.

[RockRose]

Did this happen at school?  If not,  the teacher has not need at all to know.  It doesn't sound like what your son did is completely abnormal,  and he feels terrible about it.  I don't think putting him through more humiliation of the teacher knowing,  if it didn't involve the school,  is necessary at all.

I think I'd tell my son to tell that other kid,  "yeah?  Well you're TOO LATE.  My mom already told the teacher,  and she also told the teacher that a kid at school is threatening me and blackmailing me and the teacher wants to know who it is.   My mom hasn't told her yet,  but if you threaten me one more time,  my mom will tell the teacher it's YOU.


Okay,  that's what I would do.  I think threatening another child that you will "tell" is worse by far than the exploration your son did.

Best wishes.