inappropriate behavior for a 3 yr old?

I am worried about my grandson. He seems to be out of control most of the time. I have several grown children and numerous grandchildren, nieces, nephews, cousins. I have never seen a child behave like Jacob. I will give a brief history. He was recently diagnosed as having fluid in in eardrums, so his hearing was not the best  although even before he had surgery placing drain tubes in his ears he understood everything you said to him because if you asked him to do something like, through something in the trash, or its time to eat, he would respond accordingly. However he does not speak yet, but is in speech therapy classes. Its his behavior that distresses me. He seems to enjoy being disruptive. He does not use the bathroom yet, but will stick his hand in his diaper and rub feces over everything and actually laugh while he's attempting to rub it on you!  Although he knows he will instantly be placed in his playpen for time out, he will do the same thing over and over. Example, like  picking up his plate and throwing his food on the floor. We will clean him up, stick him in time out, clean up the floor, and wait for him to calm down from his kicking and screaming and trying to get out. When he does calm down we will sit him in his chair so he can eat and he will immediately do the same thing all over, and he will look and smile at you when he does it! He does things like this all day. It is rare when plays appropriately or watches TV. When he's angry its even worse, he will break things, throw things, empty trash cans, empty full glasses, hits or bites. This is my son's son, and he and his family live with me. I know if I want to pull out my hair or want to cry I feel so bad for him. I feel like he wants something we can't give and I just don't know how to help. He can be very loving, but even when he's hugging you, you have to be wary, because that hug can turn into a bite with no provocation. Can anyone out there relate to this, and can something be done?

[RockRose]

You need to warn him that this is  lunch,  and if he throws it off the table he won't get any more until dinner.  And then stick with it.  I'm sorry,  you threw your lunch off the table,  don't throw your dinner off the table too when it's time for dinner,  or you won't get food then either.  

(Obviously you have to do with in moderation,  he has to be able to  eat.  He can't miss several meals in a row but he doesn't have to know that in advance.  Missing one full meal is often enough).  

I will say,  in my more limited experience with life and children than you have,  there is a correlation between kids who have ear infection problems and behavior problems,  and it doesn't seem to be completely related to lack of hearing.  There's something else that links chronic ear infections with very difficult children.  

[PK_Mom]

I just wanted to add to RockRose's comment, and yes there is a connection between chronic ear infections and behavioral issues. Sometimes there are even simple ways to correct health issues stemming from this, and the following article could be quite helpful;
http://www.kidscanlearn.net/Ear.htm

His behavior with his bowel movements tipped me to the article. Repeated antibiotics cause an imbalance in the good bacteria in the lining of the intestine. Passing stool then becomes uncomfortable...he has no other way to tell you this than to show you. He might even think the reactions he gets from his behavior is humorous...which ou would be irritated by obviously!

I would as well take him to an audiologist. There may be either a congenital problem with his hearing, or the infections have damaged auditory nerves. The speech issue is a telltale sign. Children mimic the sounds they way they hear them and then speak the same sounds they hear. My daughter was diagnosed with 68% bilateral hearing loss at the age of 5. Why did it take so long for me to notice? Because we are mother and daughter...our communication went beyond the scope of speech, and where I understood her perfectly no one else could.

There were as well behavior issues related to her hearing loss. Her comprehension was affected. She understood simple instructions but to explain to her why she shouldn't do something was just an impossible task.

Hearing aids combined with speech therapy were a miracle cure for her behavior problems...which I finally understood to be learning difficulties related to her hearing.

Don't give up hope...and follow up on possible medical causes. I have a feeling with lots of love, a little time, patience and a consistent and firm hand he will be just fine.