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inappropriate behavor between my two sons
Three nights ago my 6yr old son walked in on their father and me having sex, it was the middle of the night when it had happen. The next night he and his 4yr old brother went to bed and when their dad went to check on them they were naked touching each other. I sat down and talked to them and explained that its not okay to touch each other, but you can explore yourself in private. Well last night it happened again, they were naked on top of each other kissing. Their dad flipped out on them and walked away. I tried talking to them and explaining again that its inappropriate to do that. I don't know what to do to have them understand better or how to go about it because it is very disturbing to see and know its going on. Other then my oldest walking in on his dad and me in the middle of the night, we don't allow any movies with sexual content or even heavy making out scenes, we don't even kiss in front of them other then a peck, so I don't know how to go about this or what I should do, it's scary for me. I would love to hear some advice, please.
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1006035 tn?1391310794
Since they are so young and don't have the hormones that make them have a legitimate sex drive, I would say don't make a huge deal out of it. Try not to react much at all. It sounds like they are just imitating what they saw. It's pretty natural to be curious. Just calmly explain that what they are doing is only for adults. It's a special hug that two adults share when they love each other. And that you shouldn't do it with your brother. Children don't understand things like this like adults do at all. Don't tell them that it's wrong or disgusting. That could cause serious damage.
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134578 tn?1463413330
It does not sound like it, but is there some way the older child is being touched by another child or an adult?  Is there any way to ask him about why he wanted to do this with his brother, without making him feel obliged to just try to tell him what he thinks you want to hear?  (A kid can sniff out an adult's tension on a topic in a heartbeat.)  I'm wondering because there is usually the disinclination between siblings to do anything incestuous because they don't find each other appealing.  Something seems to have broken the incest taboo, and I would not think it was walking in on you two having sex.  (Unless perhaps he has been more aware of your sexual activity than you think, over time.)  In your shoes, I think I'd talk to a children's therapist before you talk to your son, just to get the tone right and to see if there is any way to get him to chat with you openly about what on earth prompted this behavior towards his brother.  It might be like Diva suggests, imitating things or even some dominance issues over his little brother, but it would help you to know what was in his mind and prompted him to initiate this.  You *really* need to know if some buddy has been doing this to him, also.

Good luck.
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134578 tn?1463413330
Sorry, should have proofread before I hit send.  It should be "without making him feel obliged to just try to tell *you* what he thinks you want to hear."
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535822 tn?1443980380
have sex when they are asleep or at school .....
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Children learn a lot from their surroundings.  I guess that means we need to be careful about what we do around them.  The odds are really high that your son saw what you were doing and thought it would be fun to try it.  
I think if you were to talk to a therapist about it you should explain exactly what he saw you two do.  I think it's best when you have small children around not to have sex when they are awake, but when they are at school, or somewhere else just like margy said.  
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535822 tn?1443980380
There is no doubt that children learn and copy what we do, I doubt at their age they even know about sex, they had seen from others,it probably looked like a game. I am a little puzzled how your son saw the sex if you were in bed..under covers, enough to do it with his brother ?
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1006035 tn?1391310794
Maybe they weren't under the covers? Hm, but good question. Maybe someone told them what sex is without the parents' knowledge?
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535822 tn?1443980380
you may indeed be right Diva ..didnt think about anyone telling small children about sex and how to perform it...I am Naive .
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I don't know why, but this is just something kids do (as much as i hate to admit it, I did this sort of stuff with my 5 y/o brother when I was 6). It's extremely embarrassing and awkward, but they're probably too young right now to understand why it's wrong. My guess is that they're curious about something they saw or something someone said, and who do you trust more than your own sibling? There are many posts like this is in the Child Behavior section, so I recomend poking around there a bit.
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I'm gonna go with either separating or punishing I'm not a parent in fact I'm not even an adult so you don't have to listen to me but my mother raised me good enough to where if I do something bad enoughed I get punished
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Children are byproducts of their surroundings, if your children see you having sex they may or may not try to recreate it even if they don't know what it is- just what it looks like. The absolute worst thing you could do is punish them, you'll make them feel an incredible amount of guilt at an early age that can manifest into something much worse. Keep explaining to them what they're doing isn't okay, and if you're going to have sex while they're awake and that young, do it quietly.
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