is this grief

[acm]

My question involves my 8 year old Matthew.  4 years ago this xmas our cat Topsy died. We told the children (Matthew was 4 then) that Topsy had gone away.  5 months after her death, when asked in pre-school to draw a picture of their pet, he drew a picture of Topsy and titled it "my cat Topsy".  6 months later we got a adult cat, Fluffy.  Matthew and Fluffy have not really shown much interest in each other.  About two months ago Fluffy killed her first bird, and Matthew saw the feathers afterwards.  Then a week later she killed another bird and matthew saw the whole bird.  He told us it made him sad that Fluffy killed a bird.  Since then he has told us that he preferred Topsy to Fluffy because Topsy didn't kill birds or wee in the house.  Well today Matthew has been going around crying and getting quite upset, saying that he misses Topsy.  Could this really be  very delayed grief over Topsy or is it a reaction to seeing Fluffy with a dead bird, or could it be a symptom of something else being wrong and he is just blaming it on missing Topsy.   Matthew is a senstive child

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Ruth,

Of course, it's impossible to say with any certainty, but it appears that the convergence of events in a child as sensitive as your son has somewhat overwhelmed him. This is more likely than any one of the variables overriding the others. What would be useful is to chat with him about the situation, noting how sad he appears, and simply letting him talk. Don't try to offer much by way of opinion or even reassurance - just draw him out on what he's thinking.