lieing and stealing

my step son is twelve years old.He was already diagnosed with ADHD, ODD, and slight Autism. Everyday it is a constant battle with his behavior problems. He is currently on Strattera. He has very poor eating habits,(losing weight) so he has to take a non narcotic medicine. If he isn't lieing or stealing, he is being defiant or arguementive. I took him to a psychiatrist but it did not do him or the family any good. He just lies to the doctor or doesn't tell the whole truth. A lot of yelling goes on in our household. The other siblings, which are his step siblings do not like being home because of all the stress and yelling. We are coming to our wits end because he is not learning from his mistakes. He either says it was an accident or he forgot. One of my many concerns are since he is twelve, is there a chance to turn all this bad behavior around, or is it to late and already headed for conduct disorder?


This discussion is related to 11 yr old steals and lies on a regular basis.

[RockRose]

This is hard.

On the eating issue,  Strattera is supposed to be less of an appetite suppressant than most ADHD drugs,  but some children still have their appetites diminished on this drug.  Can you give him Ensure or some other supplement?

He sounds like a really difficult child to deal with,  but there are things that you can modify about how you parent him that would probably help.

1.  Don't yell.  He might yell,  but you don't have to.  This is a hard habit to break but will make a difference in the overall peace of the house.   Imagine you have laryngitis and don't raise your voice over a certain level  - it does work.

2.  When he does something wrong,  there doesn't seem to be much point in getting him to explain his actions - he either says it's an accident or he forgot (whatever it was).  "Why did you do this?" doesn't really seem that helpful in his case.  Just give the consequence for whatever it is,  and don't entertain an argument or discussion.  

3.  This works,  too - call him an affection name.  Just fake it - fake the affection.  I have a friend who took up  calling her extremely disagreeable son "James" "Sweet Baby James" and giving him brief affection hugs with smiles when she walked past him - and it made a miracle change in him.  Not saying this will solve all your ills,  but smiling at him and giving him a quick shoulder hug if he's behaving (and sometimes he is,  obviously) will help.

Sometimes you have to go with lowered expectations.  Work on peace with him,  and at least that's a start,  and will improve his behavior.  But probably he won't be bringing home citizen of the year medals.  Still,  better is better.  

Best wishes.