married to a ma ma's boy

[wife in need]

My husband and i have been together for 4 years. His mother has been very disrespectful to me since day one, and so has his whole family. My husband will not stick up for me and tell his mother the things she does to me is wrong. I've asked him are you afraid of your mother? He tells me i don't want to hurt her feelings? But, it's ok that my feelings get hurt and i cry all the time trying to wonder what kind of huband i have?  I invite her to meet me at the bridal salon to see my wedding dress and meet my mother and other family members. She says ok. I waited over an hour, no show. I was devistated. I figured this lady doesn't like me. Never no phone call to apologize. I invite her many times over our house and she won't come over. She gives excuses and makes up lies. She is not old ,she works and has no physical disibilities. I recently had major surgery, and i've been home for well over a month. No visit to my home to see if i need help with anything. My husband told me she is sending flowers, no flowers ever came, no get well card,no visits from anyone is his family or phone calls to see how i'm doing. I cry constantly about how his family treats me. My husband says nothing and does nothing about it. His mother controls the whole family, and my husband is a puppet on her string. I could go on and on the things this women has done to me. This situation is ruining our marriage and I'm ready to throw in the towl. I've always been kind to her and never say nothing about what she has done to me to her. Any suggestions?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

What you see is what you get, so to speak. It seems you have two choices: (1) let your husband know about your concern, and tell him that you can't imagine remaining with him if he is not able to be more supportive toward you, or (2) stop letting this eat away at you and acccept it as part of the situation. Only you can know what the marriage is worth. (For future reference, we focus in this Forum on questions about child behavior, development, psychology, etc. It is really not a Forum for questions about adult relationships.)

[tabbicat]

I know exactly how you feel.  My ex-husband was exactly like that.  In '99 he had a car accident and was in the hospital for like 2 months half of that time he was in a coma.  She wouldnt come to the hospital if I was there they (his mothers side of family)  would go during the day when I was told it was better for him if no one came during his therapy.  She completly stopped having anything to do with our son.  And finally I couldnt take it any more.  He wouldnt do anything for himself and acted like a child when he was capabile of more and I knew it.. So we got divorced now his mother cleans his house pays his bills and when our son is with him she takes care of him too and it makes me sick.  I'm not telling you to leave your husband,  but I can say from my experience that it can only get worse unless he grows a back boneand stands up for you.  I wish you the best.    ---tabbie