mother/child personality conflict

Please help!  I have to just be honest, I have 3 daughters and I seem to have a problem with the youngest.  This my sound terriable but I just dont understand her, she really gets on my nerves and i have a very hard time understanding her.  I love her very much I just dont like her very much.  I feel that maybe she is trying to be close to me, I am not a very touchy, feely person and I dont seem to have a problem with my older daughters (11 and 10).  I breast feed the first two but not the youngest (8, the one Im speaking of)  I have alot of problems when she was born (bad marriage, death of my mother, I was in critical condition after the birth, I almost died at child birth with her)  I just dont feel that I really bonded with her.  I feel really bad and I say everynight before I go to bed " I will be different tomorrow" but never am.  I feel like she thinks I dont love her and I do (very much)  I just dont understand her.
I feel like such a failure and very alone, sometimes I think she would be better off with someone else as her mother.  
Im not physically abusive but sometimes I think I am mentally and I dont want to scar her for life.  I cant imagine that there is anyone else that feels this way about their own child.
Please Help Me.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Leeanne,

You deserve credit for facing your feelings and being honest with yourself.

The truth be told, many parents go through stretches, at least, when they dislike a child. This is human nature. And, if a parent has more than one child, it's also normal that the parent may not feel the same toward each of the children. Again, this is human nature. It's just that many people think that if they admit to such feelings they are being bad parents.

Your ambivalence toward your daughter can certainly be having an influence on her, and it's clear that you want to do the right thing. This is precisely the kind of situation that can be helped through therapy. We see many parents in the office who are seeking help, not about their children's behavior itself, but regarding their feelings toward the child. Please consider this for yourself. My guess is that you will achieve the ability to persist, and continue to parent your daughter. She needs you, and you will be able to provide her with enough of the parental affection and approval that children need.