my 3 yr old is uncontrolable

My three yearr old girl is my only child. I am trying to figure out what I can do to help with her out of control behavior. She hits her grandmother when she doesn't get her way. She stomps and starts screaming when we tell her no she cant have something or if she just doesn't get her way. I am at a loss, I cry all the time because of her temper tantrum she has in stores, screaming and cry because I put her in the cart. Having people look at me like I am a terrible mom because of her actions. She runs away from me in public places to show that I can't grab her. She will cry and cough at the same time to make herself throw up. I really can't take it anymore. I feel physically drained and emotionally hurt. I never thought that I would have the kid that people whisper about, saying she is out of control what bad parenting. I need help, I'm scared to even send her to school. She has never been in a day care, and I don;t know if she will be controllable for her teachers. I love my child and I want to help her, this just doesn't seem like normal three year old behavior.

[kynjpa]

I am somehow feeling your daughter is trying to be the center of attention...I have felt a few things work, ignoring and supporting...at the appropriate times.For ex when she does a tantrum routine..like roll and kick on the floor..totally ignore her  (as long as she in not in any risk of getting hurt )just leave the room.When she realizes that she does not get an audience for her negative behavior..she will stop it.When ever she does anything good..even the smallest tiniest thing.. appreciate her..let her know how proud you are and give hi-fives and hugs.She will soon realize that positive behaviors gets her positive attention.Shouting or crying will make her feel she is in-charge.

Always talk to kids , by coming down to their level.Kneel to make eye contact and ensure you give short clear message.Keep your cool...

About store meltdowns...assure her a  trip to the park..or even may  be a small candy or cookie ..if she is good...and keep appreciating her for every 5 mins of good behavior...involve her in the selection process..slowly stop the bribing and keep the appreciation up ...she will revel in the positive words  that she wont need the bribes anymore.

When you have a good day at home or at store..make it a point to tell others..like her dad / grandma etc...how goood she has been ..and make sure she listens to you all talk./..on how u appreciate her good behavior.

We parents must remember that kids test us..so if we get angry , frustrated, cry etc..they win..they r not wicked..they are just  testing our limits.So when she has a major meltdown..get down to her level and hug her...tight...and just let her calm down..if she resists...just rub her back and talk in calm and authoritative way.

Also in situations like.. if she insisted on a cookie just b4 dinner time..find ways to distract her from cookie though...like ask her about something totally different like about her fav toy , what dress she likes best..and if she would be interested in going to the park the next day etc...3 yr olds can be distracted..use that.

All the best ...enjoy your little princess :)