my 8 year old and uncontrollable tantrums

[jlong6654]

I have read about other kids and there trouble with tantrums.  I have the same problem but my is just a little different then the one posted.  I have a 8 year old daugter and she has some really bad tantrums.  I dont know what causes them or how to control them or even if that is what it is (a tantrum).  She throughs these tantrums and people just look at me like I did something wrong.  She is in the secound grade and she has through these since she has been about three.  The teacher don't even know what to do.  It starts out as her just getting upset about ANYTHING.  She starts to do the sad face and the lip shake.  Then the crying and if you try to talk to her, the crying gets louder and louder.  But before that she loses contral of her body almost, it seams it her legs will not suport her.  The she is throught her head back and act like she is tired.  It looks like all her energy is gone in just one min.  When I set her down to help her not fall down or into something she will set there and rock.  People that I meet and have seen this have never seen it before and she is without medical insurance so I can not see a doctor about it.  The teachers have went so far as to call me and tell me that this is happening in school, problem is that it has happened 5 or 6 times in one half of a school year and I am just finding out and they call me a bad parent and that I need to find a doctor that will tell me what it is.  I have tryed everything and nothing is working and I have no idea what is going on with my child.  

[specialmom]

All of the above is good------ I also wanted to add that we can help our children understand their emotions and deal with them better.  If any type of seizure disorder is ruled out, then I would begin working with her when she is NOT upset by talking about emotions and the way she feels.  Give her words and language to use for different emotions.  Ask her questions about what makes her mad?  What makes her sad?  What makes her frustrated?  What makes her happy?  What makes her excited?  Get a good dialogue going with her.  Then talk about when she starts to feel mad, what can she do?  Give her ideas at this point and there are many go to things a person can do when upset.  She's in second grade-----  I have a second grader too.  Her teacher could take a poster board and color  hands on it and then hang it on the wall and tell the class, these are the helping hands.  If someone is mad, they can go to the 'helping hands" and push against them to help them feel better.  That pushing action is very soothing to the nervous system.  Kids can give themselves a tight hug and that deep pressure squeeze is calming to the nervous system.  Her teacher could have a 'go to' spot that is the calm down spot.  It could be in the corner and be a bean bag chair.  The teacher could even put a cd/tape player and headphones by it and a child can sit there with the headphones on and self calm.  You can help her with a dialogue she can use in her head to 'self talk"----- "it is okay to be mad.  breath in and out.  it will be okay".  All of the self calming techniques can be taught and could be her go to things when she feels herself getting upset.  And that is the key.  If she can identify herself that she is getting upset, she can then do appropriate things to calm herself down and handle the situation.  

Has the school suggested that she be evaluated for intervention at all?

[margypops]

And there are free clinics ...most cities have them if you google free healthcare for child or free clinic you will find one and as the previous poster said no ER will turn a child away ..so there is help out there.May I ask has anything new happened in her life, how is home life , has she siblings ..she sounds upset by something .Has there been any divorces,significant changes ?

[nola0805]

You really need to have her seen by a doctor as soon as possible.  There are certain kinds of seizure and/or neurological disorders that present like this, and if not medically based, then she needs to be seen by a good mental health team.  Most major children's hospitals will see children without health insurance - I would bring her to the ER after her next tantrum/episode.  It would also help the doctors if you could get a tantrum/episode on videotape. Her school may also know of a local clinic that will see children without insurance.  Good luck