my 8 year old son carries on when he has to do homework.

Whenever he has homework to do, I know the remainder of the night I will be aggravated because he will cry and have a tantrum.  He acts more like a two year old.  My son won't listen to what I say.  I ask him to read the directions to his homework and do the problems on his own.  He refuses to take the time and do each problem.  It's a constant headache.  I have punished him for days.  There are times I cry because I feel I have exhausted every measure in making my son see how important it is for him to do the work on his own.  I don't understand because when he is in school, he doesn't behave like this.  I have talked to his teacher numerous times about this and she tells me he is doing well in school and when he encounters a problem, he asks questions and works independently quite well.  I just don't understand why when he comes home, he is so totally different.  I am at my wits end and don't know what to do anymore...  Is it something I am doing wrong?  Am I being to harsh in punishing him?? Any suggestions?? Help!!!

[Sandman2]

   Based on what you said about how he works in school - my gut feeling is that he wants you to spend some time with him.  Try a bit of a compromise.  Work with him for awhile and then slowly ease your way out.  All to soon he will not want you helping him, take this opportunity now and enjoy it.  There is a good chance you won't have this chance again.
  By the way, based on about 40 years now in the educational field - at this age, doing work on his own is not important (my opinion).  Understanding the work is important.  Being with you is important - focus on that.  Best wishes.

[allmymarbles]

You might be playing into his hands without realizing it. When he has his tantrums he gets your full attention. Don't give him attention for misbehaving.

Even though your son thinks he is getting what he wants, what he is doing is not making him happy. It is hard on a kid to be in the doghouse all the time. In that regard Sandman2's advice is right on the mark.

Aside from the problems with his homework, is his behavior acceptable?

[leeny273]

The thought of him needing and wanting more of my attention did cross my mind.  I just wanted him to learn and work independently   I will take your advice and see how it goes.  Although I spend most of the time sharing it with both him and my daughter, I think where he needs it most is doing the homework together.  Thank you for shedding some light on the situation with my son.

[leeny273]

I think you are right in saying how I may be playing into my son's hands without realizing it.  Each and every time I go through this frustration with him (which is almost every night), that thought does occur to me.  He goes through these tantrums not just over homework although that is where his misbehavior becomes more apparent.  It comes out when he doesn't get his way with anything.  He whines and pouts...  It drives me mad!!  I will ignore it (or at least try to) but eventually it gets to me and I tell him sternly to stop.  This is where my aggravation begins and I end up punishing him. Ugh! Help!

[allmymarbles]

When he starts up, leave the room. Plug your ears with cotton. Read a book. Let him yell all he wants. Without an audience he will eventually stop. Maybe not the first time, but he will stop. No stress for you and no punishment for him.