my six year old is terrified of school

[laughingfairy]

My daughter started last year in kindergarten with so much fear of school. Her teacher is wonderful. The staff at her school are wonderful. She was allowed to bring in photos of her family to keep with her. She was allowed to bring in her special stuffed animal.  But even at the end of the school year she was crying, having trouble breathing, stomach upset if i came to the school for anything and couldn't/wouldn't take her with me when i was finished.

She has problems sleeping. She is always tired. She is painfully shy in school. When she comes home she cries, she throws tantrums. She over eats. She refuses to eat.  She does it before school as well.

Honestly this started with daycare when she was 3. Because she didn't have to be in daycare we withdrew her, thinking that her anxiety was normal and just a little extreme. (separation anxiety)

She enjoys the activities at school, but it doesn't seem to help her.

I have several anxiety disorders myself, and am seeing that it does seem to run in families.
The school counselor has seen her and sees nothing wrong.
She is extremely bright, probably gifted.

I just don't know what to do.

[specialmom]

Hi, I do know of what you are speaking about as my child when he is very anxious about something (as everyone is from time to time)---  he tries to deny it and is very calm and gives the appearance that all is fine.  To an outsider, they would not pick up that he is all jumbled up on the inside.  We experience this last night at the big open house at my son's new kindergarten.  No one but me knew how scared he was.  Luckily, his anxiety is usally short lived as he has other challenges he deals with.  But I have my eye on it.  

I thought it was curious though that upon observation on a regular basis that this little girl held it together so well.  Usually  kids with this level of anxiety are extremely quiet or over react drawing some sort of attention to themelves.  Or they freeze up completely and don't function in the classroom at all.

I think your advice is very good.  Address this situation early so that she can better cope and feel good in this enviroment and others.

[margypops]

Reading your post it appears the problems stem from home not school, you state that she enjoys the activities at school also the counsellor hasnt seen anything, maybe check out why she is unhappy at home, has she any older siblings what happens before  the behaviors/tantrums  you describe,you say you have several disorders could she be copying/learning for what she sees. it is good to check out all avenues as you try to help her, fix whats happening at home and I expect the school issue will improve,I also think some more counselling would be a good thing, something is upsetting her.Is her Dad around ,what does he say about her behavior.

[jdtm]

The school counselor has seen her and sees nothing wrong. --  your words
It is interesting that the couselor didn't see it.  -- from specialmom's posting


A comment on the above statements.  Actually, not showing signs of anxiety is one of the "signs" of anxiety.  Children with severe anxiety are able to "go into themselves" and thus retreat from the current situation giving the appearance that they are not stressed out.  It really is quite a common behaviour.  By  the way, there is a difference between separation anxiety and separation anxiety disorder (and it appears your child suffers from the latter).  You might wish to google the phrase "separation anxiety disorder" or "anxiety disorders in children" or similar words/phrases to educate yourself on this issue.

Specialmom is correct - you need to see your family doctor first and then if he/she is unable to help you, ask for a referral to a medical specialist with experience in anxiety disorders.  A counsellor is not what you need - anxiety is a trait that is inherited at conception (as you mentioned it is in your family) and usually is not the result of life experiences.  Anxiety affects the physical, emotional and mental aspects of a person's being - the reason for a qualified medical person.

Separation/social anxiety disorders are common issues with children.  Anxiety is highly treatable and I urge you to contact your doctor as soon as possible (the earlier the diagnosis; the better the prognosis).  The treatment for such a young child might be quite short as she is "taught" how to manage her fears/anxieties through various intervention techniques.  The longer the anxiety manifests, the longer the period usually is for the child to "recover".  Hope this helps  ....

[specialmom]

Call her doctor about this.  She does sound so anxious and uncomfortable.  They may have recommendations for how you can help her.  There is anxiety and social anxiety that could cause her reactions.  It is interesting that the couselor didn't see it.  But as her mother, you want her comfortable with her day and I'd follow up.  Good luck.  Poor kid-----  you're a caring mom.