my son gets very aggressive

i have a very hyper 4 year old son who gets very aggressive towards me, when he doesn't gets it his way. if we are in the store and he wants something and i tell him no, he starts screaming and talking back to me then he starts stamping and hits my hand when i hold him. hes also aggressive at home, he throws his toys, and  sometimes he gets so excited that he hits himself but also when i yell at him when he did something bad. i send him to his room, because i just dont know what to do. and thats when he gets even more angrier . he cries and screams. he disrespects me in anyway and doesnt listen at all. what can i do to make this situation easier to both of us.

[LRM1021]

I have two books to suggest that you read to help you develop an effective discipline/ control program for your son. One is "SOS for Parents" - by Lynn Clark. Another is "How to Behave So Your Children Will Too" by Sal Severe. Both describe behavior modification/ discipline programs that when employed will substantially reduce this type of behavior in children.

[luvmytookids]

I feel your pain, my son used to do that to me everywhere.  What I started to do was NOT yell at him no matter what he did and used the same tone of voice (a bit more stern).  I basically stopped reacting to whatever bad behavior he showed or did.  When he would start hittin me or anythin else I just went to him on my knees and told him I LOVED HIM NO MATTER WHAT HE DOES.  He would continue trying to hit but eventually gave in.  I would then acknowledge his frustration by saying "You must be very angry because mommy will not buy that toy/candy for you, I know I would too."  Once I realized that all he wanted was acknowledgment of his feelings, things started to change. I allow him to cry, get frustrated etc without scolding him and follow through with consequences and  with I love you no matter what. I always kneel down to his eye level instead of talking down to him.   I also NOW follow through with consequences.  Because he made such a scene and drained me  I would give in to him and he learned that quickly.  They have a MASTERS in manipulation.  Pretty much he was reacting to me.  Once I remained calm - he did the same.  I do alot of breathing exercises and pray for patience and compassion for him.  I can tell you 6 months later my 5 year old son has minimal outbreaks and he is now showing all the love inside his little body. You see I realized I needed to help him change his spirit and with God's help I am helping him.  I also PRAISE HIM CONSTANTLY for his great behavior.  I hope my tips can help you.

[luvmytookids]

What I didn't mention was that when he would have his outbreaks I would put my arms around him and would just tell him in his ear "I LOVE YOU SON" I know you are upset but my mommy still loves you.  Eventually he would give in and then tell me "I love you too mommy."  I would then tell him "I know you do Son."