my step daughter's bevavior

[mommieof7]

I have a step daughter who will tell me that she does not have to listen to me because i am not her real mom. she will also tell me that she doesn't listen because i have to spoil her. she will yell and scream at her brothers and sister for no reason. she doesnt want to help around the house or do her homework and will except everything to be handed to her. she is 8 years old but this has been going on for 3 years. her real mom is not that much in the picture but she is, if that makes any sence. please help.

[Sandman2]

She doesn't have to listen to you, she does have to OBEY you.  You and your husband (her dad) need to work together on this.  This is very important!!  If you both are on the same page as regards to your expectations, your problems will soon be over.  If she is able to play one of you against  the other, this will go on forever.

[supermomma531]

I have to agree with Sandman. Laying down the rules of your house is imperative. Being on the same page as her dad is important as well. Maybe sitting down with her and her father and reminding her of the rules and maybe talking with her about her feelings will help. Children have a habit of doing things for attention whether it be good or bad attention. I think there are some issues there about her real mother and she needs to be able to release her feelings. She probably doesn't feel like she fits anywhere. I see that you have 7 children? Is this correct? Wow, you are one busy lady. I personally have a child who has some behavior issues. He is the handful of my 3 children. I know how hard it is to have a child who is behaviorally challenged! I try to start everyday as a new day and yes it is hard to do when you know what lie's ahead of you but eventually it will help you to become more patient. Especially having so many children. Maybe another idea would be to speak with her mother about the involvement if that is at all possible. Maybe it should be put to the mother that either she's completely involved or she isn't. All this sometimes involved, sometimes not is doing is messing up the child's head. This is probably the the main reason why she behaves the way she does. Do you ever have the time to spend with each child? I know that this question must sound absurd but I think that this particular child needs to one on one attention right now and have things explained to her in her terms as to how things are run in your house. She needs to have expectations set and told that if she refuses to follow them, there will be consequences. At the same time, maybe trying to talk to her about her feelings and her thoughts will help. I find that a lot of parents including myself, tend to forget our children are people too and have there own thoughts and feelings. We tend to just tell them what to do and expect them to follow like little robots. I have a daughter and two sons and I tend to forget this quite often. If this doesn't work at home, maybe getting her some sort of counseling will help. Let her help you to pick out her chores and let her know that she is expected to do them in completion, without complaint. I hope this helps you with your children. Sometimes getting suggestions from an outside source really helps. Good Luck.