my stepson causing drama between his mother, my fiance and myself

[dynopeach]

So my fiances son, who is 5yrs old, has been making up stories and telling his mother that his father and myself was having sex infront of him... which never happend cos we hardly even kiss infront of him when he visits. The mother already has a problem with me being with my fiance and this had been goin on for 4yrs now.

My fiances baby momma made a big deal of it (obviousli cos i understand any mother would, but i wouldnt quite assume its the truth. Instead she could have asked my fiance if it was true) and straight accused us and threatend to take him to court if thats what his doing around his child. firstly she doesnt want the child around me and believes i would hurt him because she still wants my fiance back and would always try to come on to him or try and chat to him morning hours when her husband is asleep.

My fiance spoke to his son and calmly asked him what did he tell his mother.. the son started closing his face to hide himself. My fiance asked him several times and he could not answer.. my fiance then asked him was it true what he said, he shook his head no, then my fiance askes him so why is he telling lies to his mother, and his son started crying and couldnt get a word out. Before that his son would tell his mother lies and say when he goes out with us his father doesnt buy him things and when we go eat out "I" say he cant have food then me and my fiance would eat infront of him without buying him anything to eat..

I must say i really feel hurt and confused because i never did any of those things, i was never rude to him, i treat him like i would treat my old kids. As far as discipline comes  i let my fiance do that cos i dont want any drama with the baby moma again.

Whenever his son is around he makes me feel uncomfortable ever since he was telling lies.. my fiance saw for this few days i have been abit distant and quiet when his son is around and asked me watsup. I then told him how i feel ever since his son lied and he just said maybe its a phase his going through..

I think its a real issue cos the mother already wana break us up because she still wants him eventho she is married, now the son telling lies to his mother. Yet when his around me im his best friend and he just wana play video games with me.. im just affraid more lies might come and cause more drama.

What should i do?

[Dx2016]

Sorry to hear your troubles.  Co-parenting is so hard. I hope my experience helps. I am not a step-mom but my son has one and when he was young and my ex husband and her were engaged he would tell her that his dad and I were in love and going to get back together.  She freaked out and accused me of telling my son this. She would get very mad and even yell at him. The truth was that even though he loved her very much he wanted his father and I back together.  My situation was different because I have never spoken badly about his step-mom to him and have tried painfully to take the higher road and be supportive of him developing a good relationship with her. It sounds like that isn't the case for you and I'm sorry.  My advice for you is to understand that he may say things that hurt you because deep down inside he longs for his parents to be together and that is very normal.  If his mom is threatened by you she is probably encouraging him to say these things.  She maybe asking him questions that make him give her the answers she wants to hear so she can have ammunition against you. Children can be prompted to say things just by the way you word a question. For example asking do you see your dad and his fiancee touching, kissing, or in bed together?  Are they doing things while in bed together? He could have said yes I see them in bed and he may mean I go in there room in the morning and wake them up but if mom wants to hear that something inappropriate is happening that's what she will hear. He's only five and unless he's been exposed to something sexually inappropriate before this he doesn't know what he's seeing. The fact that he couldn't face his father when he talked to him about it says a lot in my opinion.  The last thing I'll say is please, please try not to distance yourself from him. I know what he's done has hurt you but I guarantee it's not coming from him. My son has been devestated by his step-mom because he's said things to her when he was young and wanting a "normal" happy mommy and daddy together desire and she would distance herself and ignore him instead of understanding that he was too young to be able to express his feelings in any other way. I'm not saying that you are doing that and your situation is not the same but if you can try not to take it personally and just love and support him through this difficult time.  You will reap the rewards in the future for sticking by him and loving him unconditionally. I wish my son's step-mom had done that for my son. The more people that love him and model good parenting the better his life will be. I wish you all the best and hope his mom starts putting her son's needs before her own. Hang in there.

[AnnieBrooke]

Get the license and go to the judge or justice of the peace on your lunch hour and get married, for heaven's sake.  His ex will finally realize he means it and stop playing games.  As long as you two don't look serious or finalized in her mind she is going to do this kind of stuff.

Also, it would not be a bad idea to turn on a camera that downloads to your computer that films the main room where you interact with the child and maybe his bedroom also.  If she accuses you in court of having sex in front of the child, you could show the judge the tapes, that show normal activity.  Of course the absence of activity that would be objectionable could be argued away by her as just a matter of editing, but if you explained to the judge that this stuff had been happening you felt the need to protect yourselves by showing the normal interactions, it might have some weight.