*nearly 5 year old on baby bottle* NEED ADVICE ABOUT MY NEPHEW. .

[SamanthaMarie8086]

Alright, its like this. Anyone who can lend advice I'd greatly appreciate it. My nephew will be 5 in January and his mom and dad refuse to teach him right from wrong and or get him off the baby bottle. He cusses, he will hug you one minute then the next kick, spit, punch, call you all kind of names or say he will effin kill you, but with the exact words. When he does something like that his dad says "nah brah dont do that " they refuse to put him in time out "because they say it's cruel" and my sister will correct him when she's had enough of her son, which has included dragging him up the steps and locking him up stairs in the bedroom with her so she doesn't have to chase him all through the house when he's acting up. They wont teach him anything, he doesn't use a single manner, it's give me that right effin now and i want this.. they have even taught him to tell people "well, I know you dont have money just give me your credit card so I can get the toy I want!" It's never no you didn't earn it so you don't get it! *Example* a couple weeks ago he called his dad a p.o.s and when his dad got home he asked for his toy that he was promised a few days before this incident happened.... his dad said I told you since you called me a pos you weren't getting your toy, so my nephew starts to cry... long and behold the dad lays a bag on the bed with the exact toy he asked for.. it's like hello, TEACH THIS KID RIGHT FROM WRONG!! THEY TAKE HIM TO TWO CRITICAL THERAPIST WHO TELL THEM TO DO JUST THAT AND TO GET HIM OFF THE BABY BOTTLE'S, BUT THEY REFUSE TO DO EITHER ONE! "We don't want to hear him scream for hours for the damn bottle! We don't have time for that, IT COULD TAKE DAYS OR WEEKS OF HIM SCREAMING TO BREAK HIM!!!" HE HAS 11 CAVATIES ONE TOOTH HAS TO BE REMOVED, WHICH I HAVE NOW SEEN HIM SCREAM IN PAIN FOR TWO DAYS STRAIGHT.. I SHOWED THEM ONLINE ABOUT BOTTLE ROT BECAUSE THEY PUT MILK IN A BOTTLE FOR HIM WITH CHOCOLATE AND STRAWBERRY SYRUP IN IT FOR HIM AND THEY SAID THERES NO SUCH THING AS BOTTLE ROT!!!! THEY PUT SODA IN THE BOTTLE, juice when he does drink juice.. yes, again he will be 5 in january!! NOT TO MENTION THEY ARE GOING TO PUT HIM UNDER FOR THIS PROCEDERE WHICH LITTERALLY HAS ME TERRIFIED FOR THIS LITTLE BOY. I SAID IF YOU WOULD CUT THE BABY BOTTLE OFF 100% AND THE CANDY BACK BY LIKE 50-60% THIS KID WOULDN'T BE GOING THROUGH ANY OF THIS!! OH YEAH THE MOM normally gives him candy for breakfast with a bottle to shut him up, with the tv or his phone. . so she can then get on her cell phone... I'm at my witts end! Her husband never raised his previous four kids and my sister never raised her previous two.. so, it's two people who never raised one of their children trying to raise one single kid, and failing miserably! Neither one of them take him outsideto play to help get some of his energy out... i could be here all day naming stuff off.. everyday is his birthday or as the dad calls "present day" Do I just call the little man's therapist and tell what's really going on? Input please someone, thanks.

[specialmom]

It's hard to offer advice especially if people feel judged.  Teaching respect and not using cuss words is right but those who don't do that aren't breaking any law.  They are just not the greatest parents and this world is full of parents like that.  Bottles at 4.5 are not really a culprit in cavities (cavities from bottles mainly happen because a baby goes to sleep with the bottle in their mouth and then the sugar that is in the milk or formula sits on the teeth, not just the act of sucking on a bottle so use during the day wouldn't be any worse than a sippy cup or straw).  But it sounds like oral hygiene is lacking.  That a lot of times is also genetic with teeth as some people really battle dental issues their entire life. He does sound to be seeing a dentist in that they know and filled the cavities.  So, he is receiving SOME care.  But that's too bad that he has not been given good guidance for oral hygiene.  I battle that with one of my sons though.  He hated to brush his teeth.  He has sensory issues and I brushed for him but it was always a battle.  I wonder if you can get your nephew a really cool toothbrush, like a fun character rotating/spin brush.  Then some toothpaste along with mouthwash/fluoride rinse.  Both my kids use the fluoride rinse which has super heroes on it which somehow makes it more enticing.  It's also made for kids so the flavor is less strong.  But it's supposed to really help after brushing.  I got the little kid flossers too which they like a lot better than traditional floss.  So, maybe a little good bag of teeth things.  :>)

But overall, he'll start REAL school in a year or so and at that time, if there are behavioral and respect issues, the school, an unbiased third party, will address his parents about any issues.  

You don't want to run the risk of being cut out of his life if his parents feel judged as you are sane and rational.  But if you feel he is not safe in his home, then you have to file a complaint. I do want to say that adults the boy comes in contact with also look for signs and will report if they feel the situation warrants it.  Such as pediatrician, dentist, teachers. etc.  good luck

[SamanthaMarie8086]

I will update the people who commented after the 12th of July when his 2 therapist come here.. hopefully I'll understand so much more and will be able to not judge as everyone has stated but guide them into a better way with him (:

[SamanthaMarie8086]

Thanks to the both of you for the advice thus far (:

[SamanthaMarie8086]

His therapist has already asked if cps has been involved in his life ever, because he has been aggressive towards the two therapist. They have till July 12th to get him his own room and such together as he sleeps with his mommy and his daddy sleeps on a lazy boy in the same room. How odd, he has sensory disorder processing issues my sister said and has been diagnosed with being over aggressive.. she said not only did the bottle rot his teeth but he refuses to let her brush his teeth so she has gave up about it... because she felt like she was torturing him every time. she said she doesn't know much about sensory she has bought a sensory light that changes colors, he has a calming blanket, she's trying to look into a bead necklace because he is biting pillows when he goes into something called overload? My sister's previous two girls are 23, and 22 years old and didn't have this disorder. So she doesn't know how to handle this... she's just stuck! I think she is to the point of wanting help because now she does kind of take my help a little bit more because she is also at her witts end and has said she is defeated when she has him alone all day! I been trying to watch videos and such about sensory processing disorder but I myself can only gather so much info as I am 31 and never outgrew my adhd. However I do know I want what's best for my nephew and just want her and or anyone else to know I am on that little ones side.. but is all them behaviour issues I listed above in the original post really part of sensory? Sometimes I wonder the kid could break something and she goes I cannot do anything it's his sensory. She just told me about this disorder so maybe anyone who has or knows someone's youngster with this kid please give me info? And is there really a certain type of discipline that does and doesn't work with this disorder? I have to be present with his therapist because I am a big part of his life so that'll help out as long as they don't use huge medical words and normal everyday people words then I'll be able to comprehend (:    

[specialmom]

One of my kids has sensory integration disorder.  I would imagine that this boy has sensory integration disorder as well as some other things going on that will be diagnosed in the near future.  Yes sensory kids are hard to manage.  Many facets to sensory integration disorder.  It's neurological in nature and can affect self control, regulation of mood, temper tantrums, overly sensitive to touch, hygiene care is challenging, learning is difficult, fine and large motor control can be obstructed.  sensory integration disorder is very common with both autism and adhd.  Or its on its own as it is with my son.  There is also something called oppositional defiant disorder.  So, honestly, criticism of the child's parents might have been entirely wrong as they muddle through trying to understand their child who is not reacting as a typical child.  It hurts, when this is the case, to be harshly judged so be very careful of that and use empathy as your power tool in life.  

So, I'd go online and read about the disorder to learn what you can if you are interested.  Occupational therapists do the treatment.  My son went for 6 years.  It's a long road in which patience is required and a lot of work.  I had a lot of stares and judgment from other parents too while we worked through it when we were often doing the best that we could.  You can buy your sister the book "The Out of Sync Child" by Kranowitz or the "The everything Sensory Book" which might be helpful.  There are activities that you do to help calm the nervous system.  You teach coping skills.  You teach social skills.  You work on impulse control.  You set boundaries but you give choices because often a sensory kid feels so jumbled up inside that they try to control the environment to feel better.  Being inflexible is very common for sensory kids.  Breaking things is common.  Running into things for the impact into the nervous system is normal.  My son would line up our full trash cans at the end of our drive way which is a little bit of a hill and would run straight into them with his tricycle.  Or jump off the top of a play set onto soft mulch.  As that impact compulsion is another sensory symptom and it gives feedback to the nervous system that it was craving.  

I would not offer your help unless you understand sensory integration disorder by taking the time to learn about it.  That's my opinion.  They need the help and guidance of an occupational therapist.  He needs a planned day of sensory therapy throughout the day which is physical activity, teaching skills, etc.  An OT can help with that or I can offer suggestions.  Again, my son went to an occupational therapist for 6 years. And he had three cavities in his preschool years.  Which was a bummer.  But we held it off, he took over brushing and he has had no cavities since.    he's now 13.  He's a straight A student, has no behavioral issues at school, is a competitive athlete, has a small, close circle of friends, is in the honors band playing trumpet, is a first class boy scout.  He's quite accomplished and you'd not have guessed that from the issues we had early on.  It takes a lot of work but hopefully your nephew will get there too.  But it does require a lot of education about how to best help him and follow through to do it.  Wishing all luck in helping this little boy.  

[Wordsrweapons]

As sad as that sounds there isn't much you can do. They are his parents. You can call CPS if you think all this warrants a call. The best thing you can do is be the best role model possible.
When you disagree with the way they're handling a certain situation try offering an appealing solution vs arguing or pointing out their flawed way of thinking. You could even give them resources or send links to certain websites.
Most people don't like being told what to do or that they're wrong, and can become defensive.

Good luck

[SamanthaMarie8086]

That is what I was afraid of. He is my only nephew, I just want it what is best for him. The CPS thing goes through my mind but I do not know if it is the best option. Yes, I could offer advice like you stated, however I do not know how much advice they would be willing to take or listen to. Thank you for commenting back and hopefully sooner or later they'll understand that he should not be dealing with all this at only nearly 5 years old and that they have a happy healthy little boy soon!! thank you (: