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need help 6 yr old son acting out sexually
i have a 6 yr old son who is touching lil girls at school want to know what to do for him i dont know where to start this is not the first time at this school there has been 10 diffrent lil girls and when i ask him why he did it he tells me he "dont know" and he "didnt want to".i already looked into some councling and i am waiting for a appontment.I tried to go sit in his classroom and his teacher said it was not allowed due to all the school shooting so i talked to the preniple and was told he was not going to do anything if i was sitting next to him.that was the point that he would not do it.the teacher says he does not even finish his work so i figuered i would help him with that to but i was told no i could not do that either so can anyone help me please i need help
my son is a very smart child he just does not do his work when he gets home i help him and he is done in less than 30 min.my son was told he can not ride the school bus due to his touching probems and is not allowed to be in group settings either that includes field trips and if he stays at the school on a day that he can not go on feild trip they want to place him in a 4,5 grade class for the day .I have him seeing a phycologist he has been seen 2 times already she thinks he was exposed to porno movies but does not know by who . the school is not really helping dont know what to do help.
I have worked in the schools providing social services for 12 yrs. and from my experience it is time to bring in professional help. It sounds as if your child is struggling in a few different areas of his functioning- social, emotional and academic. A trained professional can do a full assessment of his functioning and provide you with an assessment and action plan for how to best help him. I am curious if your child is currently in special education? If so, they should provide both testing and assessment and interventions that can help. Having your family and school involved is best. Best of luck!
As stated before in postings, possible issues of inappropriate behaviour directed towards your child could be a possibility still to consider, and I know this may certainly not be the case but I just want to give you an example of how this can be worded if you choose to try this.
My close friends daughter was being innapropriately touched by her step father and by teaching her daughter about bathing health she was stunned by her daughters statement. Obviously she has moved on since, and left this man etc, but this is what she did:
In the bath that night she was explaining that this is an area that only she should touch now (6y.old also at time) and how to hold the face flannel and soap it up etc. and that only if she felt it was appropriate (kids mostly know if they are being touched in the wrong way at this age, but lack knowledge on what to do about this)then mum or dad or doctor in parents company would touch her there but only for bathing, or illness.
While her mum reasurred her that noone ever has the right touch someone, little or big, and that if someone did touch them and they didnt want them to, then they should tell someone grownup that they trust. That could be mum, dad, doctor, teacher or perhaps grandparents etc.
She was about to also mention that if someone tells you not to tell anyone about the touching or hurting and does continue inapproriate things, then its even more important for the 'lil kid to tell someone they trust thats grown up, because the person they tell will make that person stop it and that its important lil kids know.
I know this sound so obvious, but although my girlfriend didnt need to tell her daughter of this at the time because her daughter asked her mum a question about her step dads behaviour and thats how her mum found out he was harming her, this is the info her psychologist had given her when her daughter was being counselled for sexual abuse also.
As a student teacher myself(4th year of uni now) I know that when we teach safe behaviour here in Australian Schools we strive to ensure children hear this information as a way to help them make choices.
If you directly question a child and the child is being harmed and are told not to tell or "mum will hate them" or "no one will believe them" or "they will really harm them for telling" etc, then you are in fact going to find the child fearful to tell. If you give the child choices of actions to take and reasure them that you will always believe them.
Help them talk about who they trust and make a list of these people (might help to be a picture list because little ones arent always readers yet)and this help isnt giving them a list, its merely mentioning two or three people at a time and say, who do you think we should put on our list? oh and we always say if that person doesnt do this or help you tell another person on the list and so on until someone does help you.
Look I know this sounds like I'm assuming your lil one is being harmed, I'm not in fact, but this is just one thing can that help lil kids even if they arent being harmed... The innapropriate touching from your son could be for so many little reasons but your teacher could recommend some strategies to also assist. Not all teachers though see this as their work area and will fob you off, but if she doesnt assist, try web sites where teachers can resond to your questions on behaviour, and you may find a stack of responses as this is behaviour is not unheard of, and most people that have been teachers for many years would have many great words of wisdom as they've seen and heard so much over the years they are often the person I'd ask after my local doctor for advise.
Good luck mperez, parenting is such hard work and I feel for you. Keep at the appointment you've got booked and check in to see if someone has cancelled appointments occasisionlly, you may find you get an appointment a little sooner if they see you as diligent. Well works for me occasionally :)- Jo
My close friends daughter was being innapropriately touched by her step father and by teaching her daughter about bathing health she was stunned by her daughters statement. Obviously she has moved on since, and left this man etc, but this is what she did:
In the bath that night she was explaining that this is an area that only she should touch now (6y.old also at time) and how to hold the face flannel and soap it up etc. and that only if she felt it was appropriate (kids mostly know if they are being touched in the wrong way at this age, but lack knowledge on what to do about this)then mum or dad or doctor in parents company would touch her there but only for bathing, or illness.
While her mum reasurred her that noone ever has the right touch someone, little or big, and that if someone did touch them and they didnt want them to, then they should tell someone grownup that they trust. That could be mum, dad, doctor, teacher or perhaps grandparents etc.
She was about to also mention that if someone tells you not to tell anyone about the touching or hurting and does continue inapproriate things, then its even more important for the 'lil kid to tell someone they trust thats grown up, because the person they tell will make that person stop it and that its important lil kids know.
I know this sound so obvious, but although my girlfriend didnt need to tell her daughter of this at the time because her daughter asked her mum a question about her step dads behaviour and thats how her mum found out he was harming her, this is the info her psychologist had given her when her daughter was being counselled for sexual abuse also.
As a student teacher myself(4th year of uni now) I know that when we teach safe behaviour here in Australian Schools we strive to ensure children hear this information as a way to help them make choices.
If you directly question a child and the child is being harmed and are told not to tell or "mum will hate them" or "no one will believe them" or "they will really harm them for telling" etc, then you are in fact going to find the child fearful to tell. If you give the child choices of actions to take and reasure them that you will always believe them.
Help them talk about who they trust and make a list of these people (might help to be a picture list because little ones arent always readers yet)and this help isnt giving them a list, its merely mentioning two or three people at a time and say, who do you think we should put on our list? oh and we always say if that person doesnt do this or help you tell another person on the list and so on until someone does help you.
Look I know this sounds like I'm assuming your lil one is being harmed, I'm not in fact, but this is just one thing can that help lil kids even if they arent being harmed... The innapropriate touching from your son could be for so many little reasons but your teacher could recommend some strategies to also assist. Not all teachers though see this as their work area and will fob you off, but if she doesnt assist, try web sites where teachers can resond to your questions on behaviour, and you may find a stack of responses as this is behaviour is not unheard of, and most people that have been teachers for many years would have many great words of wisdom as they've seen and heard so much over the years they are often the person I'd ask after my local doctor for advise.
Good luck mperez, parenting is such hard work and I feel for you. Keep at the appointment you've got booked and check in to see if someone has cancelled appointments occasisionlly, you may find you get an appointment a little sooner if they see you as diligent. Well works for me occasionally :)- Jo
By touching, is this an issue of "playing doctor" or is he touching these girls when they don't want him to? As another poster mentioned, inappropriate sexual expression in a child "could" be a sign of sexual abuse, but isn't necessarily so. Asking the child multiple times won't get you any good information (if you ask multiple times the child will "catch on" he is giving the wrong answer and just tell you what he thinks you want to hear.)
His talk about killing himself at such a young age is quite worrisome. As another poster mentioned you may wish to seek out a psychiatrist for him, there are some who specialize in children. Also I'd insist on getting a full psychological evaluation (don't settle for a psychiatrist diagnosing your child in 15 minutes), that may help you understand exactly what is going on with your child. They can be expensive, but if you have a local university nearby, particularly if it's a large state school, they often have graduate programs in clinical psychology that will offer free testing by students in training (supervised by psychologists).
good luck
His talk about killing himself at such a young age is quite worrisome. As another poster mentioned you may wish to seek out a psychiatrist for him, there are some who specialize in children. Also I'd insist on getting a full psychological evaluation (don't settle for a psychiatrist diagnosing your child in 15 minutes), that may help you understand exactly what is going on with your child. They can be expensive, but if you have a local university nearby, particularly if it's a large state school, they often have graduate programs in clinical psychology that will offer free testing by students in training (supervised by psychologists).
good luck
i am going to start therapy with my son i am married and have 2 more children i try very hard to keep my mind on other things life must go on just trying to make the best of things thank you very much and good bye
You sound very distraught. Have you sought help for yourself? Don't beat yourself up about this...parenting is hard work. Are you married? You sort of sound like you're doing this alone.
Is there anyone, a counselor, pastor, school counselor even...someone that you could talk to?
Don't discount the fact that some children really do have chemical imbalances in their brains that cause them to act "differently". I'm not saying this is the case, but if you've noticed odd behavior for a long time, then you should consult the child's physician.
I'm not a doctor...just a mom. Just take care of yourself. If you get depressed, or overly concerned, then you won't be able to take care of your family.
Find some help locally.
Is there anyone, a counselor, pastor, school counselor even...someone that you could talk to?
Don't discount the fact that some children really do have chemical imbalances in their brains that cause them to act "differently". I'm not saying this is the case, but if you've noticed odd behavior for a long time, then you should consult the child's physician.
I'm not a doctor...just a mom. Just take care of yourself. If you get depressed, or overly concerned, then you won't be able to take care of your family.
Find some help locally.
i have already dont that and it did not work i have talk to him to see if he has seen that or someone has done that to him he says no i dont see him act diffrent towards anyone in the family.I watch everything he sees i just dont know what is going through his lil mind he has always been diffrent when he was 3 he would talk about killing him self i thought to my self he dosent know what he is saying them he started biting his nails all the time he became very nervous now this proble i dont know what i am doning wrong as a parent itry very hard i dont work i stay at home so i watch his every move i dont know if it is something another lil kid might of told him he is a very smart child help please
I don't have any answers for you, except (I know this is hard to hear....) but sometimes, based on experiences in my daughters school, sometimes when a child responds "sexually" to another child, it is because the child may have experienced some degree of inappropriate touching by someone in his/her life. This is definitely not always the case. Sometimes, kids just are curious. I guess it depends on the severity of the actions, and his ability to control them when told to.
At six, you should be able to explain to your child why the behavior is inappropriate, (we explain it that no one should ever touch my daughter where her bathing suit goes, except for mom/dad and doctor). She understands that the area covered by the bathing suit is private. Maybe he just doesn't understand why its inappropriate.
"Doctor" is not altogether uncommon at this age, but he should be able to stop the behavior, if its just normal childhood curiosity.
At six, you should be able to explain to your child why the behavior is inappropriate, (we explain it that no one should ever touch my daughter where her bathing suit goes, except for mom/dad and doctor). She understands that the area covered by the bathing suit is private. Maybe he just doesn't understand why its inappropriate.
"Doctor" is not altogether uncommon at this age, but he should be able to stop the behavior, if its just normal childhood curiosity.
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