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'nobody likes me..everyone hates me...'
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'nobody likes me..everyone hates me...'

My son goes through a litany of everyone who "hates him" in school before he falls asleep.  Nothing we say seems to help.  (ie "of course they like you" or "Jimmy likes you...")  I've even tried telling him everyone hates ME, but he laughs and says I'm silly because he knows that's not true.

What do you say to a child who INSISTS that everyone hates him (this has been going on all schoolyear!)?  And don't say "go eat worms!"  :)  Thanks!
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Dear Michele,

Instead of trying to convince your son otherwise, you might express curiosity about his point of view and ask him rto talk to you about the experiences that result in his point of view. Depending what you learn, try to check out the reality with people who might be in a position to know - e.g., teachers. You'll want to know how accurate his perceptions are, so that you can determine of he needs help with peer/social relations. Also, try not to have such conversations at night. Wait until daytime if you can. You don't want to encourage this type of interaction as a bedtime routine.
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Avatar_n_tn
I am appalled at the answers these poor parents are receiving.  My son just turned 13 April 1st.  He is very quiet, shy and has very low self esteem.  He is constantly picked on in school because he is quiet and well behaved.  His teachers have even brought to our attention the way he lets the children in class run all over him.  Noone seems to know what to tell a parent concerning a well behaved child.  He is teased for having a large nose.  The children jerk his pencils out of his hand and the teacher gives him one of hers and allows the other child to keep my sons.  When these unruly children are sent to the principal she says they are there ten minutes and sent back to class angrier than when they were asked to leave the room.  I have learned since my son was in daycare that the nice, well behaved quiet children are the ones who suffer.  He is now trying to play baseball and his self esteem is so low he doesn't want to go.  I have had him in soccer, teeball, baseball, football and he feels he is just plain no good at anything.  What is a mother to do?  He says you just say nice things to me because you're my MOM.  He has been in all sorts of classes in elementary school to help with self esteem.  Is this something that he has to work out for himself?  He said, the teacher had each person write down a list of nice things about each other and that that's what you're suppose to do in those classes.  He's no dummy.
Please e-mail me with advice.  ***@****
Thank you.
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Avatar_n_tn
This is how I resolved the problem with my 7 y.o. son. My son doesn't quite "fit in" with the cliques so we took a very different approach. We discovered early on that he is no athlete, however, he enjoys solitary sports (bicycling, swimming, skating, etc). We nutured this.
Also, we decided to nuture his talents, i.e, computer, chess. I looked hard to find a computer club for young children that he would enjoy. (If this is not available in your area, think of starting one). This is what happened: suddenly he was around other "outcasts", but loving it. They all had something very much in common, computer and brains. Within a very short time, he very much blended in with this crowd. While of course, he may never be the life of a party, he began to feel comfortable with this group. Good luck!
P.S. A book club works well among young children too. It's fun.
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Avatar_n_tn
I like your advice sue, it is very great.  I'm going through the problem now with my daughter.  She started a new school in September and has recently started complaining that "she has no friends...."  I wanted to get her in a art class because she loves to do that.  Any suggestions?
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I like your advice sue, it is very great.  I'm going through the problem now with my daughter.  She started a new school in September and has recently started complaining that "she has no friends...."  I wanted to get her in a art class because she loves to do that.  Any suggestions?
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Avatar_n_tn
These are the steps we took to resolve my son's problem. 1)we spoke to the teachers to absolutely confirm that there was no physical harm. i.e, bullying, name calling, threats, hitting, etc from the so called "cool" kids. 2)we stopped asking my son what he thought the problem was. No 7 y.o. can articulate a real solution. Ask seven times and you'll get seven different answers. 3)we looked into outside interests. This was the key to our success. 4)we got over thinking that my son had to "fit in" with his classmates. (this may take time and some convincing, especially for girls). 5)if there are no clubs available in your area, start one. For ex., I plan on starting a junior book club for my son. I thought it would be fun since he's an excellent reader.  
Btw, a funny thing started happening. Once his interests were nutured and his self esteem improved, some of the kids in his class started coming around. Partly because he didn't need them anymore to "fit in" and also, he started telling the teachers about some of his interests. The teachers took pride in this and the "clique" kids felt left out. A real turn around of events. Also, I'm not saying this is the absolute approach, however, it's been very successful for our family. It also brought peace of mind to me, my son is smiling and also developing many different interests along the way.
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