Member Comments are provided by individuals and reflect their personal opinions only. Under NO circumstances should you act on any advice or opinion posted in this forum. ALWAYS check with your personal physician before taking any action regarding your health! MedHelp International and our partners, sponsors and affiliates have no obligation to monitor any comments posted on this site, or the content and/or accuracy of such exchanges. MedHelp International does not endorse the views of any user.
Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
normal for a 5 yr old?
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
normal for a 5 yr old?
by trish123, Jan 13, 2005 12:00AM
My 5 yr old daughter ona few occasions has stated to me that she wishes she had never been born. It has happened when her best friend/neighbor is not treating her nicely or is mad at her twice. And she has also stated to me when she gets scolded for something or is sent to her room if she is in a tantrum. She says she wishes she never came out of me or that she wishes she were in heaven so that she wouldn't get in trouble and she would be allowed to do whatever she wants there. She is a good and loving child but is very moody when she is tired. I have told her I do not like her saying these things and that she is loved . I am afraid to put too much emphasis on it though because she will use it if she knows it bothers me too much. Is it normal to say such things even if only a few times. I am hoping this is not a sign of bad things to come and if so what can I do to help her now to make her future better?
Also there is a neighbors 6yr old granddaughter I watch for 1 1/2hrs after school and my daughter considers her her friend but is consistantly not nice to her. My daughter loves her friends so much. She is a social butterfly. When she was younger my daughters first real friend who is now 9 did not like the other girl that I watch after school and she let my daughter know this.
I tried to guide my dughter(2 at the time) on how to treat this little girl nicely. But I think it has just stuck in her brain. This is the ONLY person my daughter treats in a bad manner. She will not hug her back or want to play with her on some days she is here and is very bossy to her and also selfish with her toys. Any other friend comes over and she is giving her toys away to them! I have tried talking to my daughter about it,I have tried rewarding her for good behavior and I have tried punishing her. I know there are some people you just don't like but you can't be rude. Do you have any suggestions on how I can help my daughter be nicer to this nice girl?
Also there is a neighbors 6yr old granddaughter I watch for 1 1/2hrs after school and my daughter considers her her friend but is consistantly not nice to her. My daughter loves her friends so much. She is a social butterfly. When she was younger my daughters first real friend who is now 9 did not like the other girl that I watch after school and she let my daughter know this.
I tried to guide my dughter(2 at the time) on how to treat this little girl nicely. But I think it has just stuck in her brain. This is the ONLY person my daughter treats in a bad manner. She will not hug her back or want to play with her on some days she is here and is very bossy to her and also selfish with her toys. Any other friend comes over and she is giving her toys away to them! I have tried talking to my daughter about it,I have tried rewarding her for good behavior and I have tried punishing her. I know there are some people you just don't like but you can't be rude. Do you have any suggestions on how I can help my daughter be nicer to this nice girl?
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Jan 14, 2005 12:00AM
, Jan 14, 2005 12:00AM
Re: the first question, your daughter's behavior is absolutley normal. When children are angry, they are prone to saying such things and you needn't pay it any attention. You are correct not to offer reassurances about your love for her. It's not an issue. She's angry when she makes these comments, and the remarks are an expression of her anger rather than an expression of the 'truth'.
Re: the second question, your expectation is perfectly reasonable. It's your daughter's choice to decide whom she likes. But, like or not, good manners and civility require her to treat the other girl nicely. Continue to make your expectations clear, and time her out immediately if you observe rude or insensitive behavior. Let your daughter know ahead of time that this is what you will be doing.
Re: the second question, your expectation is perfectly reasonable. It's your daughter's choice to decide whom she likes. But, like or not, good manners and civility require her to treat the other girl nicely. Continue to make your expectations clear, and time her out immediately if you observe rude or insensitive behavior. Let your daughter know ahead of time that this is what you will be doing.
I would suggest cuddling her close when she tells you she wants to be in heaven or wishes she hadn't been born, and asking her WHY she feels that way. Tell her that you would be so sad without her, and your family wouldn't be the same without her. But particularly tell her that you understand she feels sad sometimes, and that she can always come to you and talk about how and why she feels sad. Make it a close, loving talk and really try to listen and support the fact she feels comfortable enough with you to talk about unhappy feelings.
As to the other situation, I'd bet that she is feeling a bit unhappy and jealous of this other girl, perhaps seeing her as competition for your love and attention. Could you frequently involve them BOTH in an after school activity such as cookie baking, sit and play with them both, read to them, or do some other activity where they are both directly and closely supervised by you? If you send them off by themselves to play with your daughters toys, your daughter is perhaps trying to control the situation and express her feeelings by being dominating and selfish with her toys. Use a lot of praise for your daughter after a sucessful visit. Be creative in arranging activities where you can be right there guiding and having fun right along with them BOTH. Talk after the visit about how much fun you had.
Just a couple suggestions. I'm sure the doc here will have lots of good ideas!