Child Behavior Community
not a question, is my experience
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not a question, is my experience

I have red a lot of the questions and concerns and decided to tell you about my experience. I'm a mother of 2 ADHD boys and 1 bipolar daughter, I'm an aunt of an autistic child and an ADHD child with anger(defiant and violent at times) and sleeping problems. I'm also a teacher for 23 yrs.Three of these are adults now 1 is 8yrs old. What I have noticed through all these yrs. is that there is a lot of kids on medicine wether they need it or not and a lot of kids are having problems in school. It's my opinion that:
1.  kids are eating a lot of junk- food does have an impact in kids behavior
2.  lifestyle-kids have been raised by tv, computers, games etc-there's very little talking, hugging, family time, social interaction
3.  education has changed a lot- it's a lot more strict now than before but the kids development is still the same-there's a lot more demands and a lot of students are not ready. ex. if you know about child development you would know that in Kindergarten there's a lot of kids that are not ready to learn to read and write but the law says that they should know by the end of the year. Kinder use to be a transition from  home to school know is totally academic, but Kinder is not mandatory, makes sense?????  !st grade use to be the grade to learn to read and write, know you're behind if you don't know how to read and write when you enter 1st grade and you may be sent back to Kinder because it's a lot of pressure for the child, he may start acting up or crawl under the chair and cry.
4. WAY TOO MUCH TESTING- do you know that even Kinder has to be tested many times, there is no time for fun activities in any grade because you have to teach them how to pass all these tests.
5 rules- no talking in the morning while waiting for the bell, no talking during class, no talking in the cafeteria, no talking, no talking, no talking???????????????
AND WE WONDER WHY WE ARE HAVING SO MUCH PROBLEMS IN SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
legislators make the laws-how much do they know about education and children development? an appropriate for their age?
6. there's a lot of sitting, paper and pencil work- some  kids cannot sit for a long time- what do they do- stand up, walk around, talk, jump, wiggle, crawl-so know he's disrupting the teacher and the other kids and learning stops.

SORRY, this is so long, but this is reality, I see it everyday
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973741_tn?1342346373
At first I didn't know where you were going, but I have to say I agree.  There isn't much we can do about it though except for looking at the diet of our kids and getting them active.  And our current government wants to increase the demands of school children.  We used to have pe (physical education) every single day plus recess.  Few schools do this anymore with pe being once or twice a week.  And ask any 3rd grader to sit for 3 hours to take a state test is just not prudent to learning.  Schools care about their rankings at that point more than the child.  Now, I'm a big proponent of public education and teachers-----  don't get me wrong.  But lengthening school days, lengthening school year by a whole month, and mandatory all day kindergarten are on my states agenda.  I actually have a kid that requires lots of physical activity----  I'm so worried about when we are going to get it in!
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But lengthening school days, lengthening school year by a whole month, and mandatory all day kindergarten are on my states agenda.

Could one reason be that there are so many children without adequate parenting?  When I first began teaching, it was rare to have a child from a single-parent family.  When I retired, the percentage would be 50-50  - about half from a two-parent family (and I mean the bio-parents) and about half from other "family" types.  

venustiana - your reasons are valid but I do wonder if the poor parenting (of lack thereof) is the main culprit behind your points.  I  think schools are trying to make up for poor (or non-existent) parenting and frankly, as part of the educational system, we're not doing a very good job.
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Avatar_f_tn
I have to say I agree. I have always thought the ADD and ADHD, and most of it is lack of parenting well that is harsh I will say lack of knowledge to parent and not enough hours in the day for most yes some just don't care. Have you noticed that it is mostly single or divorced parents that have issues with their kids. I am a single parent and I can say most of my problem is because it is just me. Both my boys want my attention. When you work till 5pm everyday and have kids to put to bed by 8:30pm it is hard to juggle it all. Home at around 6 after picking up kids then supper, baths, and by that time its bedtime. Now I do feed mine healthy meals and we very rarely eat out and I really don't like fast food. Quality time is hard when you have a tight schedule and mine leave everyother weekend. Then you have disipline, mine don't really care what I say but not if dad says dont do it by gosh they don't do it, for me its asking 3x if they don't do it they know they will get time out. What is it about a man that a child will most ofter listen to them.

I think the problem is as soon as the parent can't handle it anymore they automatically assume its the child and take to doc. Then doc says yep he needs meds. Same goes for school if they can't deal with it then the child needs meds or they can't come back. The problem is no one has TIME to deal with issues. Just like divorce we take the easy way out back in the day you worked it out for the kids or because you made a commitment now it doesn't matter. We give up and take the easy way out.



This is just my opinion on it..................
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1048831_tn?1253657096
Hello.
You say school is stricter now? I guess you don't remember 'the good ol' days'.....  I also realize the difference between my generation and that of what is now. There is also a big push for mediocracy in the schools (the big 'no child left behind).  None of that was available when I was in school  Teachers had control of their classes and the kids behaved.  
Also I went to military schools where a dunce cap was acceptable and readily available and often deterred the class clown from future goofiness.  A ruler across the paw when the teacher caught a student passing notes or whatever instead of taking down notes from the black board.  Principles were allowed to spank and so were teachers.  Yes it was hideously strict, but of course back then, a homemaker mom was the norm and not the exception and the family had their meals together at the table, practicing manners, etc.!
There was no special ed to speak of, you either kept up or you didn't, period.  Well, yes there was a class that was set up for those who were testing below a certain number (can't remember it now), but if I had brought home a report card with less than A/B I not only would have lost special privileges that I had earned with good grades and chores, but I would have got the belt.  
Needless to say,  military schools were hard, and teachers could and would spank you with parent's permission!! When dad retired in '71 and we moved to this one-horse town, I was 3 grades academically above my peers.  Instead of moving me up and letting me continue, I was held back and put in 8 grade by mom.  I got bored really quick, the tests said I should be in the 11th but my mom said, "No!" and I wound up finding drugs and alcohol.
So could it be some of this bad behavior is maybe frustration at being held back or not ready for the demands of the syllabus? Just a thought.  
My daughter was held back by her father, whom was told that if he could get one of his kids in spec. ed he could get a Welfare check.  He has a speech empidement (sp?) and living with him she ended up with a speech problem, very severe. She was tested and although very smart, because of the speech thing he was able to push the spec ed thing.  It dumbed her down by 4 grades!!  Although she is 20, she has the academic skills of maybe regular school 6th grade......
What do you think? Am I being too old school when I say the teachers and principles should have more power ?  There was alot less problems in class and on campus!
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973741_tn?1342346373
I'm wondering how lengthening the school day and the school year equate to poor parenting?  You think they are trying to get kids to behave better by keep them in school longer and away from there parents?  Interesting----  I had never thought of it that way.  Still------  what a sad statement.

I was around in the psychiatric/ therapy world when ADD/ADHD (i'm in my 40's now) started to become a "popular" diagnosis.  In our office, families brought their kids in for meds, therapy and to get disability.  I actually caught families trying to get all of their kids diagnosed as ADD to get increased disability money.  Now saying we are ADD has become a joke for when we have a bad moment like forgeting our car keys.  I have a friend who's daughter has diagnosed ADD and she is now in college.   This girl takes so much offense to the cavelier attitude people take torward the diagnosis.  I do think many people will say that bad behavior is just ADD/ADHD.  And often that isn't the case.  However, as I have seen a real delay in my own son and have another 15 months younger that does some knuckleheaded things-----  there is a difference in a delayed child.  The things my son does are often out of self protection as his system can't handle certain stimuli or out of problems regulating his emotions.  We work hard on it.  I'm a little sensative because I've gotten the 'look' from other parents before.  When we have had a bad day and it is in public and what I want to do is crawl into a hole----  I can't.  I have a responsibility to my son to help him through.  But others can be very judgemental.  At first I asked God why my beautiful boy had a delay but then as with many painful things-----  I accepted the wisdom that came with it.  I too was once judgemental and now know that while there are many lazy and not so hot parents out there-----  you can't assume that is the case.  

I do know that my kids are lucky.  They have two educated parents, one that stays at home with them and the lifestyle that offers them lots of learning and opportunity for experience.  Families, however, have to work with what they've got.  I commend any single working parent for getting the job done.  It's hard hard work.  Making time for everything and still remaining sane is a lot of pressure.  STill not sure if making our schools a pressure cooker is going to help.  
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Avatar_f_tn
I'm wondering how lengthening the school day and the school year equate to poor parenting?  You think they are trying to get kids to behave better by keep them in school longer and away from there parents?

No - I mean there too many children who do have parent(s) who are irresponsible and/or absent and society has to do something with these children, so they put them in school - earlier and longer.  Sad, isn't it?
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Avatar_f_tn
oops, I didn't mean stricter, I meant academically harder and demanding. I love public schools and I love teaching. But I'm against what the system is doing to our children. And yes there are a lot of irresponsible parents that expect the teachers to do what they should have done at home. Good luck to everyone!!!
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1048831_tn?1253657096
Hi, I wasn't trying to jump your case, and if it sounded like it, I am so sorry. I never meant it to sound like that.
I do have to agree with many here that the blanket diagnosis for kids acting up -ADD/ADHD....whatever is a joke.  
With my son it is controlled with diet, although due to early childhood trauma he has serious anger issues that do effect his ability to concentrate and sit still, not to mention he gets bored really quick.  He has found for himself he's 18 now, that for him; he eats breakfast, works on his schoolwork (he's homeschooled-serious problems in public school set him back 2 grades), gets out and excercises (swim, play a little B-ball, helps his cousin do some mechanic work, goes back in and works on his schoolwork when he knows he can sit still enough.
He has learned to avoid junk food (junk food and sodas will have him bouncing off the wall and mouthy),  He was also diagnosed as ADD/HAD ...whatever.  
We had a hard time with him when he lived with us, he and his sister were encouraged by their father to fight for his attention, so they would go at each other with whatever they had in their hands.  He moved in with my sister and her family and they live out in the country. There is no one to compete against for him, He has learned alot living with them-i.e.  respect for elders, self respect, self control and other positive things that win him kudos and rewards for A's, which he (since in homeschool is all he makes) gets upset if he makes anything below an A-.  
I have seen in the public schools around here, the peer pressure is horrendous, but it has reverse, somehow.
Instead of their peers competing for good grades and kudos, the student making good grades is harrassed and bullied till they show lower grades and begin getting in trouble. I've seen so much of that too.  
I really think they should re-open the Special Schools (recently shut down) for those who are having so much trouble in those subjects so that they are not holding back the bright ones.  
Am I being a horse's bum? Or just too old school?
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