out of control two year old

[sandra s noble]

my grandson totally runs his family. he is mean and very hateful towards his peers and family members. he is very aggresive (aggressive) and extremely moody.  he can be sweet and one second later he can be flying into one of his temper tantrum, screaming and crying for no good reason other then someone might have told him no. the other night he said he wanted to kill his dad. we have to idea were he heard the term. we live very far away and find it hard to be of any help, my daughter is very upset and does not know where to turn.  we told her to seek help. can his personality be inherited or is a taught?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Ms. Noble,

At your grandson's age, it's not really necessary to worry about inherited personality traits. I say this because, inherited or not, the behavior needs to be managed.

With a two-year-old, standing in the way of his wishes may indeed bring about considerable frustration and anger. This may seem like 'no good reason' to an adult, but, to a child, hearing NO can be very difficult. One of the normal tasks of the toddler is to learn, over time, to manage the feelings associated with frustration of their wishes.

Your daughter would do well to consult with a pediatric behavioral health professional who can help her to develop systematic ways of responding to her son's behavior. Much of the work we do is helping parents to deal with the normal, difficult behaviors of childhood.

A particularly useful book on this topic (i.e., behavior management) is S.O.S.: Help for Children (by Lynn Clark).

[monica waldon/michelle waldon]

i would like more information about this subject.  my three year old son is in daycare and the teachers state that they are unable to control him.  he is a bright and intelligent child.  do you have any suggestions as to what may be done.  we have consulted a physician about a counselor coming to the daycare to observe his behavior and give us ideas to work with along with the day care providers.  please reply to my e-mail at ***@****.  thank you.  any help or consideration for this problem will be greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,

Monica Waldon

[KIM DONALSON]

I also would like more information about this issue. I have a 3yr
and at times she still request a bottle and wants to be a baby, and her action at preschool are getting out of control. does she have behavior problem or is this just a fase,HELP..

[aroetman]

My nephew is going to be 3 years old next month and my parents (his grandparents) and I have witnessed his mean temperment and actions.  He is a middle child, and out of the blue hits his younger brother who is 1, pushes him over, hits him on the head, etc.  His parents are always telling him, "Don't do that", "I said no", etc. . .and sometimes they ignore his behavior.  He seems very cruel & sneaky at times, it amazes me that he can act this way and only be 3 years old. . he pulls away when you try and hold his hand, says 'NO!' alot and definetely doesn't listen to other family members as well as his parents.  He was a sickly baby <had hearing problems>, and I believe his speech was affected by this (he doesn't talk as clearly as his older brother did at his age).  For this reason, I think my brother and sister-in-law baby him.  I have witnessed them blaming the older brother who is 5 years old instead of him for things that he has done. He's always fidgiting, has to be moving, or touching something, etc. Could he be 'smart' enough to know that he gets all the attention from mom and dad when he's bad? Is this the behavior of a juvenile deliquent??  Is he hyper active?  ADD?? I'm very concerned, and don't think my brother and his wife are aware of this at all.  Please shed some light on why my nephew acts this way. . .thanks so much.

***@****

[melaniejoy]

A related discussion, my two year old yells and spita at everything, why? was started.