over active mind in my 4 year old

my 4 year old dughter has a over active imagination and will not be in a room on her own it has got to the point when we are in some one elses home she will not go to the toilet on her own and will wet herself i dont want to shout at her as it makes it worse i have assured her that everything is ok and she is safe but it is not making a different what would be the best way to deal with it

[ChangedBaby]

I think its fine to help a child on the toilet. I like to make sure they haven't left a mess in other people's houses etc., so go with them anyway.

I'd want to know if there was a trigger event that has genuinely made her scared of something? I'd also want to know what she is afraid of and if she can tell that? If she wont or can't speak I'd think about getting a professional opinion too (at least a free parent info line if there is such a thing in your area).

Presumably she is ok to go to sleep alone in her own house, and it is just in stranger's houses that she doesn't want to be alone? (During the day she would be with you anyway, in and out of different activities, so not really alone anyway?)

[mummyboss]

she is going to school in 3 months and want to get her used to being able to go to the toilet on her own.
i can not pin point any situation that has made her scared
i try and keep her occupied and we sit and do painting  and differnt activaties but even if i was to walk out of the room to make a tea for example she will have to stand next to me untill i have finished and says there are monsters in the room she does not watch any programs that are not sutable for her do you think i should just carry on reasuring her and ignore it

[anxiousmomtobe?]

Maybe she saw a program at the sitter's house or at a friends house?

Ask her why she thinks there are monsters.  

Get a mister, decorate it as anti-monster spray and fill it with water.  Spray the room and say something like "Be gone monsters, I am mummyboss and you can't play here."  Silly I know, but it really does work.

If the anxiety continues or if it grows I would mention it to your doc.

[Cleveland Mom]

It is quite common for preschool aged children to be afraid of monsters and ghosts as well as the dark and unfamiliar surrondings.  You should not force a child to tackle these fears which seem irrational to you, an adult.  My 4 y/o son is afraid to be in our finished basement when the lights are out.  He screams and cries and vocalizes that he is afraid.  Up until a few months ago, he was afraid to go down there alone even with the lights on.  I never forced the issue.  I respected his fears and accompanied him down there.  Now, he is starting to go down there alone, as long as the lights are on.  He is also staying down there with his younger sister to watch TV when I am not present.

Her fears are developmental, meaning she will grow out of this concerns before you know it.