penis infactuation

[veryconfused111]

i am a single older Mom and a very frustrated mom also. I moved to an area that is less desirable than i'm accustomed to and there are a lot of poor and needy children in this community. oNe day i let two brothers come in and play, i also fed them because their mom didn't really take care of them. Their ages were 5 and 8 at the time. my son was also 5 at the time. Anyway they were building a tent in my son's bedroom, i notice everything went silent. i went in the room opened the tent and the youngest brother was attempting to place his mouth on my son's penis. the older brother was just watching. i asked the children had someone done that to them before they said yes. i confronted the mother but she was very passive about the situation. i called CPS and made a report. i stopped my son from playing with these brothers for a while. recently i let them play but i supervise them. my son and the younger boy was in my living room playing while i was cooking, the older boy came to the door and called out for his brother when he didn't answer i looked around the corner and they had went into my sons room. i immediately ran to the room and the other 6 year old closed his pants up. i know i over reacted.. i don't want myson to feel shame what can i do.

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Wow, what a difficult situation.  In all honesty, I would not allow the children that were possibly molested and then introducing your son to it to come back to play.  Kids often require therapy to overcome such trauma.  And the sad truth is that it is a common pattern for molested kids to them molest.  Therefore, you must watch your own son with all other children.  I'd consider a counselor for him.  

Molestation can go on anywhere no matter how affluent a community is.  I would consider though--  doing your best to move to a better area for a variety of reasons.  One, it is a sad truth that in poverty stricken areas, many parents are not parenting their children adequately.  The parents are just trying to get by or have many problems of their own and the kids are less supervised or provided with guidance and structure.  The other issue is schools as often poverty stricken areas have schools that barely meet standards.  It is very sad but if you can move, I would.  

There are studies that your kids tend to adapt to where they are.  If they see successful people who work hard, making a good living, kids studying at school, behaving, etc. that they have a better chance of becoming like that themselves.  If the area you are in represents kind of the opposite, then your child will adapt and envision this as a normal lifestyle and become like that himself.  

Anyway, to your question of your son----  you need strict structure right now at home and if you are cooking, kids play in eye sight of you at all times.  Talk to him about that it is NOT okay to take his pants off or anyone elses.  Make it a rule.  His private parts are not to be touched or shown nor are his friends.  Be very firm.  That is a first step.  I would really consider a therapist or counselor if you can figure out how to afford that.  

Does your child have a man in his life---  father, uncle, grandfather?  They are very valuable too for talking to young boys about this and helping them to open up about it.

You were brave and on target to report the initial incident to CPS to hopefully get these boys some help that are neighbors.  It breaks my heart that any kids have to go through that.  I also know as a mom that I'd be so upset if then it happened to my kids as the cycle continues.  I'm sure that was just so upsetting for you!!  

We are here to support you so come back often to get some other ideas for what to do to help this situation.  It's summer time and people get busier so not as many responses----  but there are a lot of very smart people at med help that can help you.  good luck

[makeithappen02]

Hi, hope you and the boy are doing ok. First of all you need to speak to their mother and tell her that you do not want the kids to come in your house and play with your son.secondly,before you tell your child that he is not to meet and play with them again, you need to discuss this issue with your chil, help him to put words to his feeling. Do you connect and communicate with your child Naturally?