poop and learning problems?

Our son will be 4 next month and he still poops in his pants. If we don’t change him immediately after he goes he plays in his poop, he gets it all over himself, on furniture, walls, etc... This is hard since he hides when he poops in his pants. This has gone on for over a year and we are lost as what to do. We also just found out he is 2 years behind in speech and may have ADHD but it is too early to tell. My husband has ADHD and takes medicine for it.

My husband gets very angry when this happens and screams at our son telling him how bad he is which makes our son cry. He also punishes him by taking away things like bedtime stories. My husband and I have many fights over this because I am afraid our son may have some learning disabilities and may not be able to understand or communicate properly. Our son has just started some testing to determine this but my husband argues that our son can understand other things so he shouldn’t have any “learning” problems in the poop area.  My husband says our son is just doing this to get attention.

Please help. The problem is tearing up our home.

[3rdchild]

I'm so sorry about what's going on...maybe I could give a few tips of my opinion?

My son is 6yrs. old.  He is globally delayed all around.  So another words he's behind.  Speech also!  He may have lots of other things going on.  We have an appt. with a child psychiatrist in a few weeks.  He's been to many doctors and is going to a special school program.  So anyway...
If your son is delayed in speech he may be delayed in other areas.  The action he's taking with his poop sounds a bit immature for a 4yr. old to be doing.  

I honestly would consider talking to a psychologist about this if it's tearing up the home.  Your husband is just frustrated.  He probably works all day and does not understand what is going on.  
My son has so many things going on with behaviors and all.  My husband has also gotten upset with him.  When any of us yell it doesn't help much but upset everyone involved.  

What kind of testing is being done?  Is he being evaluated?  
Call a psychologist and make an appt. before this situation really gets out of hand.  Preferably one that specializes in children's behavior.

Post again soon and let us know what's going on.

[NeedHelpMom]

He has had several levels of speech testing done by the county and should begin speech therapy in the fall. It is done by the county so they take the summer off.  He has started to see a psychologist who deals with families of ADHD, and a behavior evaluation has begun at an institute that specializes in behavior, disabilities and so forth. The institute has scheduled more testing such as neurological, speech, and academic.

It may just be ADHD which by itself is difficult, trust me. I have been with my husband for 20 years and dealing with him can be very, very frustrating. However at his birth he had complications and I am concerned about oxygen loss. I was also in a car accident in May of 2006 with both kids in the car. I have another son who is about to turn 6. By the way I did not have any of these problems with my older son. The boys are night and day. The car accident was bad for me and I may have to have neck surgery soon. I don’t know how the car accident may have affected my boys. That is one of the things we are trying to find out from all the doctors.

I just don’t want him to be punished if he has some problem that is causing this behavior. He is also going to start preschool this fall and don’t want him to do this there and be embarrassed.

[erinty]

i can totally sympathize with you my son is 5 but when he was 3 and 4 he was doing the same thing with his poop he would play in it smear it on walls furniture toys just about anything and i couldnt understand it i was so frustrated.  Now he has stopped smearing it all over things but now he is pooping in his pants and has been for about a year.  I still have yet to uncover the problem but i am currently taking my son to counseling for anger agression and anxiety.  SOme peolpe have said that it is a control thing.  I don't believe he was doing it because it was fun or because he wanted to be bad i really don't he knew why he was doing it either.  But i don't think yelling or ridicule will help the situation.  it surely didn't for me.  There must be something going on inside that is bothering him

[3rdchild]

Your doing the right thing by getting help.  That's great he's getting all the necessary testing.   All the tests and evaluations will hopefully give you some answers.  I'm sorry about the car accident...thank God nobody was killed.  Were the boys injured at the time of the accident?  
I believe that ADHD is hereditary....I have OCD and my kids have anxiety...(i have 3)  it's not easy.  I believe if you have one disorder your likely to have another.  My doctor told me at one time because of the ocd, I may have ADD also.  Who knows,   I wouldn't be surprised though since I'd don't concentrate to well.
Hang in there...