preschool agressiveness

I would like some information and help in dealing with our four year old who seems to be overly agressive with children his age.  Within a few minutes of playing he will hit or kick or tease another child and he seems to think it is funny.  It is causing problems in his preschool and with his friends in the neighborhood.  How do we handle this...we have tried behavior management and he just seems to think it is funny.   He has two older siblings in college so he has been exposed to older ideas but he doesn't watch tv or play video or computer games that would expose him to violent actions.  Any ideas?  He plays better with kids who are nine or ten and enjoy the rough housing he enjoys....  thanks.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Ms. Miotke,

When you noted that you've tried behavior management, but your son thinks it's funny, it causes me to worry that you'll give up on managing the behavior. If your son's behavior is within the normal spectrum (i.e., a behavior problem in an otherwise normal child), it requires sound management as the major intervention.

The most simple and direct plan is to remove your son immediately to time out at the least sign of aggression. A ten-minute time out would be sufficient. Use a portable timer to track the time, and start the time only when he is seated and quiet. After the time out, require him to play alone for a period of time - perhaps 15 minutes or so. Before he rejoins his peers, remind him he needs to act in a safe way (this reminder should be given to him in advance of any play with peers).

Try to limit the amount of time he plays with older children. He's not developmentally ready to be engaged with older children - it will not help his relationship with same-age children.