preschool anxiety

[ferrellliz]

My three year old won't let me leave him at preschool without crying excessively. They have had to call me to come back several times. I am planning to stop going to this school as I don't agree with their practices and I believe their strategies f or dealing with discipline are making him anxious. So the question is, do we sign up for a new preschool with gentler system that fits my guidelines and try to get uncomfortable there, or give up on school for now and try again next year when he is 3 1/2.

I feel like socialization is good for him and I worry that I have made things worse be catering to him when I stayed at school with him.

What should I do? More than anything, I want his anxiety to get better and be more comfortable around other kids and away from me.

Thanks

[ferrellliz]

Thanks for the good advice. He is a happy kid and does not cry at home. He has had social anxiety since the birth of little brother who was very colicky. It was an extremely difficult time for us, especially him, who became very worried about separation. It is much better now but still a big issue. So this is why I struggle with the decision. If he wants to be home with me and little brother,should I just let him? Or should I be encouraging him to have a life outside the nest and try to help him overcome his separation anxiety by trying to help him feel comfortable at a new school. I am really struggling with this decision. Thanks, Liz

[ferrellliz]

Thanks for your advice, all good ideas. I am still grasping with whether to wait or not, but I definitely will try to be strong for him and not waver once we decide to go. I feel like in trying to protect him from being anxious about being away from me, I made things worse. This was complicated by my second sons birth which was difficult and alienated me from big brother. I was so happy that he let me back into his world that it became hard for me to say no and set limits for him. Ah parenthood. It sure feels comes and confusing right now. Thanks, Liz

[Sandman2]

   Good ideas by Rockrose.  I would like to know how long this crying has been going on.  It was not unusual for kids going into kindergarten to cry for the first week or so and then it stopped.  If this has been going on for longer then that - I really would be concerned.   Does he cry much at home, and how do you deal with that?
   And, yes, you do not stay at school with him.  Most kids will cry when mom leaves and then get involved in something and stop crying.  This may not happen overnight, but usually after a week or two it stops.  I don't know exactly what you do each day, or for that matter when he starts crying.  It is important to be at the school at some point to see how they work with kids.  If you don't like what they are doing, then I certainly would be visiting other schools to find one that you do like.  Hope this helps.

[RockRose]

I don't know the answers to all your questions,  but I had one son who was extremely anxious to part with me at preschool.

I think I would agree with waiting til he is 3 1/2 and in a different preschool that might be softer.

My son tried to go to preschool when he was two and that didn't work out,  and it was hard to make it work when he was 3.

But what DID work was,  I'd say if you walk into that class and don't cry, when I pick you up there will be a special treat in the car.  I'd go to the dollar store and pick out something.  Walking in without crying set the standard for the whole morning for him, and then there'd be something fun for him in his carseat at the end.  In the beginning it was really nice little treats,  at the end it might be a cupcake.  The trick, in my opinion,  was to train him to go in to preschool not crying.  

Best wishes -