re: how to help my ADD/behavorial disordered 8 yr old

My 8yr old son was diagnosed w/ ADD and a behavorial disorder when he was about 4 yrs old. He has been in counseling since that time as well as on several different types of medicine. He started out on Ritalin, and is currently on Adderal, Buspar, Clonidine and Impermin.

He has been involved in the special education services on our school district since he was 4. He has an IEP(Individual Education Plan), has a fulltime aid in the classroom and his own timeout box.

His main problem has always been aggressive behavior. At this time, it is currently toward teachers or any adult at school. He kicks, hits, bites and throws things. He is then removed from the room and put in his timeout box, where he has now started to try and knock it over or climb the walls.

He gets upset either because he is frustrated over what he has been asked to do or because he doesn't want to do something so he lashes out.

He has now been suspended for about 2 days. We have a meeting coming up to decide whether his placement in school should be changed. This is not the first time he has been suspended and he was actually suspended from the bus when he was in kindergarten due to similar behaviors.

I am extremely frustrated. He does not exhibit these behaviors for me at all. He is aggressive but never attempts to hurt me in anyway and normally does not act that way with others as well.He has made great progress in some ways but not in others. I do not know what can be done for him.

I have attempted to talk to him and make him understand that his behavior is his responsibility. His response to me is that is doesn't have any control or the medicine makes me do it.

He is a very smart and compassionate child. He seems very upset once something has happened and he knows that he will have to pay the consequences for his actions. He still however blames however because they made him angry or whatever.

I am at a lose. Please help me.

Thank you.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Ms. Olson,

Your son is receiving an array of interventions, all of which sound sensible, though he may require even an additional level of structure and containment in his educational program. In addition, he may require some adjustment in his medication, particularly to address his volatility and aggression. Doses of his current meds (e.g., Clonidine) can be adjusted, or some change can be made (e.g., consideration of mood stabilizer or antidepressant from the selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor class).

If the local school district does not have a resource with sufficient capacity to deal one-to-one with your son, he may require referral to a private therapeutic educational program.

[Mother of a ADHD 9 yr old boyu]

My son also was having trouble in school.  He was lashing out at the teachers and the other students.  We went through him being kicked out of school and more.  The teacher that we had for him at the time did not seem very sympathetic and that did disappoint me.  I had to get past that and do what was best for our son.  I looked within the school system to see what things they had to offer.  As parents we have to take it upon ourselves to be their #1 advocate.  I tried several different things until I found something that worked for him.  Believe it or not it was an understanding male counselor through our education services.  It was a man who went out to the playground and talked with him. A man who was not afraid of showing emotion.  That really brought my son Mike out of his shell seeing a man who could express himself without again.  If there is not a counselor maybe a male teacher or family friend.  Boys need to know that it is okay to show any emotion without using anger.  There is a saying that my sons new counselor uses and it goes like this...
"When we feel anger it was not the first emotion that we felt"
That means it usually starts with hurt, sadness, disappointment,Etc.and then turns to anger get to that emotion 1st and you might be able to start solving his problem.  Hope this helps and sorry so long.