reactions of son to mother

I really don't know where to begin. I divorced 5 years ago when my son was 8. We has separated when he had just turnes 7. Now he is almost 14. His father had a really hard time with the divorce and leaned on my son for alot, especially emotional support. And, I, in return, let my ex spend more time than what was set up in our divorce.I believed it would help. Well, since my son has gotten older and time has passed I thought everything was going very smoothly. My sons father has always made the best dicisions,which didn't always put his sons needs before his own. I never really discussed this with my son, I thought one day he would see why I divorced his dad, and that he would appreciate all that I have done to help enhance their relationship.Well, as of recent, I was served with a petition for change of custody, with a signed avidavit, from my son stating that he wished to live with his dad. Our visitation is already equally divided, so this really has to do with child support, and control over my son.Anyway, as a mother to a son, my relationship is growing more distant as he ages. I know I have to accept that, but I'm afaid his dad will abuse his authority, with the custody, and my son will suffer the results. My question is...I can't seem to get through to my son my concerns, it is like he does not trust me. It hurts me very deeply that he chose his dad over me,and it  does not seem to bother him that I am hurting. I don't understand his lack of compassion and understanding for me. He really acts as if he doesn't care how I feel. Is that normal for a 13 year old boy? And, what can a mother do to connect to her teenage son? He is my only child, and I feel like I'm loosing him. Thanks, I hope you can help me.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear SACS,

I'm afraid that the specifics of your family situation must be dealt with through professional help. It's really not possible to make specific suggestions without the perspective of your son and his father. Now, it's not unusual for children in their early teens to become somewhat more private and in some ways seek more distance from parents, but it's not the norm for children not to care about their parents'feelings. And, it may well be that your son cares very much, but is not able to say so in a direct way. When issues of loyalty arise in post-divorce families, the various inter-relationhips can be quite complicated. It might be worth your while to spend some time with a mental health professional who is conversant with helping children from families of divorce. The therapist can meet with your son and try to gain an understanding of how he's viewing his situation and what is contributing to his decision to be in the custody of his father.